Sick of work drama? You can diffuse most conflicts with three simple steps.
Richard Birke is the senior vice president of JAMS Institute, a conflict resolution company.
He's a master mediator. Things have to be really bad before he heads into a workplace and usually the goal is to avoid litigation.
But we all deal with conflict in our lives. Maybe it's someone who gets under your skin at work? Maybe it's someone who lets everyone else do all the work. Or, it's someone who knows exactly the wrong thing to say.
Unsettled conflict hurts your mood and impacts both creativity and productivity. The person who suffers the most when you don't deal with drama is you.
Richard has a three-step plan to diffuse conflict. You'll change your mindset and actually get a script of what to say (or not say) to someone annoying you. Think of this as your playbook to reduce drama in your life!
On this Dying to Ask:
How to shift your mindset when you're in the middle of a conflict
What you need to know about your communication style to effectively deal with others
And a 10-second tip to change the tone of an interaction

Stop Work Drama in 3 Steps With Richard Birke

Gratitude is an attitude. And, it might be the easiest way to boost your happiness.
This week, we're revisiting the role gratitude plays in our physical and mental health. The holidays are a great time to hit a "reset" and reflect on what's really important in your life.
My colleague Edie Lambert just produced an incredible story on the science of happiness and a new way it's being taught through gratitude at Sacramento State University.
Dr. Meliksah Demir is Sac State's very first "endowed professor in happiness."
He teaches a class called The Psychology of Happiness.
"When you practice gratitude, it has the potential to give you the sense of peace, comfort, which is likely to help you say before bedtime, to breathe easily and then comfortably sleep. Perhaps this could be one reason as to why we are observing those benefits in the sleep domain," says Dr. Demir.
And his students are impressed by what they're learning.
"If you practice gratitude, happiness, you make more money, sleep better, better health. I've been surprised at how many benefits there are," says Amanda Rose.
You can check out Edie's story here.
On this Dying to Ask:
The impact gratitude makes in mindset
How to play the "gratitude game" this holiday season
What you can learn about a person by asking them what they're grateful for
And what happened when I asked my colleagues to tell me what they're thankful for right now

How Gratitude Makes You Happier

Here's a genius move. Immerse yourself in a few more interests and watch yourself grow intellectually.
That's the advice from biographer Walter Isaacson. And he should know as he's often considered the genius biographer.
Isaacson is a bestselling author. He's written biographies about people including Leonardo da Vinci, Benjamin Franklin, Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs and Jennifer Doudna.
He's a former editor of Time Magazine and served as the CEO of the Aspen Institute in addition to teaching at Tulane University.
His latest book may be his most controversial due to his subject, Elon Musk.
Isaacson spent two years with Musk with what he describes as unfiltered total access.
He thought the book would primarily focus on electric cars and space travel. Then came the Twitter sale in the middle of his writing project.
Now, Isaacson's Elon Musk is out and he's facing criticism from some in the tech world for taking hit too easy on a controversial leader. Isaacson says his job is to be a storyteller and it's a reader's job to reach conclusions on his subjects.
On this Dying to Ask:
The unusual deal Walter Isaacson struck with musk before writing the book
How Isaacson found out Musk had accepted his offer to do the book
How the Twitter sale impacted his research and book
Why broadening your interests helps you think bigger

How To Be A Genius With Biographer Walter Isaacson

Move over spring cleaning. Fall organization may have an even bigger impact on mindset, stress levels and happiness.
Kim Salisbury is a personal organizer and the creator of Home Method Co. She says a lot of people get a burst of energy when the cooler weather starts. She recommends using that energy to get your house ready before the holiday season.
Want to thrive instead of survive the holidays? The key is getting the holiday to-do's done now, not later.
"I always say to try to get as much done as you can in October and November before Thanksgiving. Make a list of everything that you need to do before the holidays," advises Salisbury. 
The holidays are stressful because of all the extra demands on your time. Those opportunities should be fun. Don't resent them. Just prep for them.
Take our Fall Organization Challenge and give yourself the gift of decompression!
On this Dying to Ask:
The psychology behind fall organization
Why your fridge and pantry deserve your time and Clorox wipes
How an organizing binge will save you money this holiday season
The gift hack to reduce waste and increase happiness
How to make a master holiday to-do list that will keep you accountable

Avoid Holiday Stress With This Fall Organization Hack

Sophia Ruan Gushee is one of the least toxic people you'll meet. That's probably because she wrote the book on it.
She's the author of "The A to Z of D-Toxing" and the host of the Practical Nontoxic Living podcast.
But Sophia isn't a scientist and didn't study harmful plastics in school.
Becoming a mom for the first time forced her to look at her environment in a whole new way. That led her to question the impact of products she used on her family's health.
The questions turned into answers and, ultimately, major lifestyle changes to reduce exposure to toxic chemicals. Her book reads like an encyclopedia and is like a bible for families trying to reduce toxic exposure.
Along the way, Sophia became the go-to expert in all things toxic. She left her dream job to become a practical, nontoxic lifestyle expert.
In her passion, Sophia found her purpose.
The good news?
Leading a less toxic lifestyle doesn't have to be hard. A few simple swaps can lower your exposure and ultimately let you feel better about harmful toxins that are seemingly everywhere.
Sophia is smart, kind and essentially a non-toxic cheerleader for those of us who would like to do better but really don't need it to feel like a lot of work!
On this Dying to Ask:
Sophia's unlikely path from finance to nontoxic lifestyle expert
The role convenience plays in our lifestyle choices
3 simple swaps you can make today to live a cleaner lifestyle
And, how did Sophia decide to go all-in on her new career?

Detoxing ’A to Z’ With Author Sophia Ruan Gushee

Have something you need to do but can't find the motivation? Join the club.
Sometimes it's just hard to get yourself going, even if you're normally a disciplined person.
It's normal and it's really annoying!
This week, we're looking at where motivation comes from and why it's hard to jumpstart sometimes.
And we have a 4 step action plan to fire up your motivation to get more out of life.
On this Dying to Ask:
Defense of the word "busy"
The difference between "have to's and want to's"
Why your "want to's" get put off first
A 4 step plan to get motivated

 
 
Other places to listen
CLICK HERE to listen on iTunes
CLICK HERE to listen on Stitcher
 
 
 
 

4 ways to jumpstart motivation when you’re just not feeling it

This summer, Paris will become the second city to host three summer Olympics. This week, we're merging history and the Olympics on the "Dying to Ask" podcast.
Bill George is the author of a new book called "Victory in the Pool."
Decades before Team USA celebrated names like Michael Phelps and Katie Ledecky, Sacramento was the center of U.S. swimming, and its aquatic leader was a guy named Sherm Chavoor.
Chavoor coached athletes, including Debbie Meyer, Mark Spitz and Mike Burton, to win Olympic gold medals between 1968 and 1972.
Chavoor coached at the Arden Hills Swim and Tennis Club.
But he wasn't a swimmer himself.
And Sherm Chavoor wasn't even his real name.
"He didn't publicize it. His real name was Izikiel Correa and he was a poor kid from the Oakland area. He came to Sacramento as a swim coach and became famous as Sherm Chavoor. Everybody knew him as Sherm Chavoor. I think even his swimmers never really realized his real name," George said.
On this Dying to Ask:
How Sherm Chavoor became Sherm Chavoor.
How he started a swimming dynasty that defied race, religion and social status.
And how a natural knack for marketing led underdog swimmers and a green coach to greatness.

Diving Into ’Victory In The Pool’ With Bill George

As doppelgangers go, Talakai is the ultimate winner. And now he can credit his likeness for his latest opportunity.
Talakai is a 34-year-old singer from Sacramento. He turned chairs with his rendition of Sam Smith's "Stay With Me" during the blind auditions on "The Voice." Then, he turned heads with his uncanny resemblance to judge John Legend.
“Wait until you see his face,” Legend told Niall Horan and Gwen Stefani as the other coaches turned their chairs following Talakai’s performance.
Twinning with a superstar is nothing new for Talakai. He can't go anywhere without someone saying something. The thing is, Talakai can sing. Like, really sing. And now the world, and John Legend, know it.
Talakai stopped by the KCRA 3 studios in his now signature "Legend" jacket and charmed everyone he met. He's as likable as he is talented and is enjoying every minute of what he calls "the best week of my life."
He is seizing the moment and has advice on how you can, too.
On this Dying to Ask:
What it's like to have a famous doppelganger
How to take advantage of a natural edge
How to be in the moment when it happens

John Legend’s ’Twin’ Talakai Seizes The Moment

What if I told you the key to personal growth could be forgetting everything you know? It's called a beginner's mind, and it's worth mastering.
It's the idea of approaching something with a 100% fresh perspective or like you've never done it before.
Do you remember the thrill of riding a bike? How about learning to read? Speaking another language and actually having someone understand what you're saying?
Beginner's mind is a little like the social media trend, "I was today years old when..."
It's a powerful tool.
Mastering a beginner's mindset can pay off big time for your physical and mental health.
And it's linked to boosting creativity and overall happiness.
On this Dying to Ask:
The areas of your life that can benefit from a beginner's mindset.
Three ways to develop a beginner's mind.

The Power Of a Beginner’s Mindset

The Korean Wave continues and it's coming after your pores. Korean exports of beauty products have surpassed smartphones.
Elise Hu is the author of "Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital."
Hu is a journalist and podcaster who currently is the host of "Ted Talks Daily."
Flawless is inspired by her years working as an NPR bureau chief in Seoul, South Korea.
The book examines how South Korea's pervasive beauty culture spread globally as the latest ripple of a Korean Wave of entertainment and tech.
"Six out of 10 of all Netflix subscribers in the world have watched some sort of Korean content. When it comes to Korean beauty, Korea is now exporting more cosmetics and skin care and skin care tools than it exports in smartphones," Hu said.
Hu's book is part memoir, part international investigative reporting, and well-researched.
Fun fact: Elise and I are both graduates of the University of Missouri School of Journalism, and our former professor connected us for this interview!
On this 'Dying to Ask':
How Korean beauty culture seeped into and then dominated beauty culture around the world
What is technological gaze, and how it impacts your feelings about yourself
How Zoom forever changed and blurred the visual and virtual world
Why is glowy skin a thing?
A reality check on how much beauty costs in terms of time and money
And how do we get to a better balance in our lives where we're more accepting of who we actually are?

Why We All Want Glowy Skin With Elise Hu, Author Of ’Flawless’

Growing up on the internet may not be as bad as we thought.
The first generation of kids exposed to a fully digital childhood is coming of age.
Their childhoods have been radically different than their parents' childhoods.
That's led a lot of parents to instinctively want to control kids' access to things like screen time and social media by installing limits and trackers on phones.
It's like a digital tug-of-war between parent and child with sometimes unintended consequences.
Dr. Devorah Heitner is an expert in all things family and tech and she has spent years looking at the impact of screens on kids.
Her new book, Growing Up in Public, examines the good and bad about growing up in a digital world.
Her message is non-judgmental and in many ways, she's more positive about teen screen exposure than their parents are.
In fact, a lot of teens are expressing frustration with their parents after, in some cases, discovering how much of their childhood was shared on social media.
Heitner says parents often express frustration with how much their kids share online. But, in her experience, kids often have a better grasp of online privacy than kids do.
Heitner says, "I have met so many kids who are so embarrassed by things that their parents are posting. When I go into schools, I'll ask kids to step in a circle if their friends have posted something that's embarrassing, and about half the kids will step in. Then, if I say step in if your parents have ever posted something embarrassing, and 100% of the kids will step into the circle."
On this Dying to Ask:
What it's like to grow up in public.
Why Heitner emphasizes mentoring over monitoring.
Two things parents should do before posting about their kids on social media.
A warning for schools and families when it comes to education apps that track assignments and grades.
Why Heitner isn't a fan of tracking apps like Life 360.

’Growing Up In Public’ With Author Dr. Devorah Heitner

It's back to school time and that means back to anxiety for a lot of families. But four easy tips could lessen stress for kids and parents.
Jenn Curtis is an educational consultant, the founder of FutureWise, and co-author of "The Parent Compass." She says back to school stress is normal. But, going into the school year with a plan can help.
The school year is a natural reset for families and a great time to shake up habits, both in and out of the classroom.
Jenn has four tips to help improve academic success for kids. The funny thing? Those tips are applicable to all ages!
It starts with setting out some goals and then setting your kids (and yourself) up for success.
On this Dying to Ask:
How to set goals with your kids for the school year
Why you need a "family meeting" at the start of the year
How to form a "what if" plan in case kids run into trouble academically
4 tips to set your kid (and yourself) up for success this school year

4 Habits To Set Your kid (And Yourself) Up For School Success

Making a mark without leaving a digital footprint. It's tough to do, but debut novelist Elizabeth Castellano is pulling it off.
Elizabeth, or Liz as she goes by, is the author of "Save What's Left."
In a field where a strong digital footprint is often a predictor of professional success, Liz is defying the odds.
Her book is one of the most buzzed-about titles this summer. People Magazine called it one of the best books of the summer.
You can credit a lot of things for Liz's success, but a strong social media presence isn't one of them.
Liz has a three-line bio on her website and doesn't do social media.
"I got off social media a couple of years after college. I just decided not for me. I don't like it. I think there's more harm than good. I just felt better being off of it, and so it just stuck, and you do miss things," says Liz.
On this 'Dying to Ask':
What pushed Liz off social media, and how that impacted her mental health and creativity.
How unusual it is for a "creative" not to use social media to promote a product.
What it's like to be an "overnight success."

Other places to listen
CLICK HERE to listen on iTunes
CLICK HERE to listen on Stitcher

Can you be successful without social media?

Been there, done that. I've never been so glad to say that covering a one-year countdown to an Olympics.
It's been a few years since that milestone didn't involve significant talk about the pandemic.
This year felt, dare I say it, normal.
I had that realization while doing an interview with 2008 Olympic Gold Medalist Gabe Gardner. I covered Gardner's golden moment in Beijing and we've been friends ever since. Gabe is still active with Team USA. He's worked as an athlete liaison and Board Member for the United States Olympic and Paralympic Endowment.
Gabe is one of my go-to interviews as we hit the one-year mark to an Olympics. In the last couple of Olympics, we've focused on pandemic protocols, masking, testing and all things COVID-19.
This year, we talked about the fun stuff. It was deliciously normal. And we both remarked after the interview that it felt good to get back to something we'd done before. Been there, done that.
On this Dying to Ask:
A challenge to all of us to recognize and appreciate these moments as they come up post-pandemic
And I'll play the full Q&A I did with Gabe with his thoughts on the one-year countdown to the 2024 Paris Summer Olympics.

Seeing A Gold Medal Moment In The 1-Year Countdown To The 2024 Paris Olympics

Three words: less is more. That's the advice from professional organizer Kim Salisbury of Home Method Co when it comes to packing up and moving into a college dorm room.
Kim has helped families organize college dorms for years. This year, she'll take her own advice when her oldest child heads to college this fall.
"The most important thing that I can say is, don't bring too much, because that's what we have found. That's happening over and over again. You don't need to, much less is more," Salisbury said.

Easier said than done. But, studies show an organized living space is key to focus, productivity and happiness. Creating a welcoming and simplified space can go a long way in boosting mental health.
See the full top 10 list of must-have dorm items on Kim's blog.
And listen to this week's conversation with Kim goes over what to pack while unpacking the complex emotions parents feel when their kids leave the nest.
On this Dying to Ask:
What to pack and what *not to pack
The most overrated thing kids put on their beds
A paperwork checklist before you even step foot on the campus
The inexpensive space saver parents might want to add to their bedrooms

College Organizing 101 With Kim Salisbury

Want to feel less stressed? Try cleaning out your junk drawer.
Decluttering may be the simplest path to destressing.
Research has shown eliminating unneeded or unused things and organizing is good for focus, self esteem and mood.
You can actually lower your cortisol stress hormone by purging areas in your home, especially the places where you spend the most time.
Professional organizer Kim Salisbury is the owner of Home Method Co. She studied psychology in college. And, she says she uses the psychology background every day in her work helping families clear the clutter.
"When you are living in spaces that are calm and organized, it brings your blood pressure down, it brings your anxiety down. It brings your stress level down," says Kim.
Kim says the goal is to make your home feel like a sanctuary and it doesn't have to take a lot of time or money to make it happen.
Do you geek out on all things organization? Check out Kim's blog here. 
On this Dying to Ask:
How Kim became a professional organizer.
The mental health benefits of decluttering your space.
How negative space impacts your mood.
The room you need vertical space in.
And the top five spaces you should declutter first.

 
Other places to listen
CLICK HERE to listen on iTunes
CLICK HERE to listen on Stitcher

5 Areas To Declutter To Destress With Kim Salisbury

Need cash? Maybe you need a side hustle.
Inflation has a lot of people looking for ways to bring in more money.
Getting a raise in the job you have now is likely not an option. But adding a part time job might be.
Small business startups aka "side hustles" tend to boom during very specific times.
Tightening job markets, recessions, and inflation inspire fiscal creativity. But it's not always about the money.
Sometimes people road-test a new career by starting a side hustle.
Sometimes people just want something fun to do in their free time!
But how do you maximize money while limiting the additional work hours?
You need a plan and today's guest has some great advice.
Frank Vella is the CEO of the marketing platform Constant Contact.
Frank says new entrepreneurs often run into the same problem.
"My advice to the small business owner is do what you do well and leverage tools to to get done what you don't have time or don't do well," says Vella.
In other words, be realistic.
On this Dying to Ask:
How to find a side hustle.
How to launch your new gig.
Some Business 101 advice, the do's and don'ts of a small business.
Why the greatest gift of your side
And Frank and Fitz even talk parenting.

How To Start A Side Hustle With Frank Vella

From big law to big adventure to big-time author. Jaclyn Goldis' new book is called "The Chateau" and the thriller is topping summer beach reads lists.
But Jacyln's personal story has some interesting chapters too. And it starts with quitting a prestigious and lucrative job.
She quit her job in Chicago as an estate planning lawyer right to travel the world. And, she quit that job after seven and a half years, right around the time most attorneys make partner.
The decision was met with a 50/50 reaction from friends and colleagues.
She brought two small backpacks and the hope that she could realize her dream of life as a fiction writer.
It worked. The trip unlocked creativity and fueled her soul in a way her more linear career path was not.
Seven years later, she's settled in Tel Aviv, Israel, lives two blocks from the beach and is living a lifelong dream because she took a chance.
"I had so many fears of how it was going to work and where it was going to end up, and how the writing thing was going to go. And you know, there were a lot of stress in terms of that. But ultimately, I'm so happy I took that risk and I'm really happy where I ended up," Goldis said.
On this Dying to Ask:
How Jaclyn knew to trust her gut and quit her lawyer job.
What her colleagues said when she left law right around the time she was about to make partner
A reality check on what quitting a job and traveling the world as a single adult is really like.
What did she pack in the two small backpacks on her trip around the world?
Where Jaclyn ultimately ended up settling and what her new life as a buzzed-about author is like.
The quote that guides her life.

How To Know When It’s Time To Quit Your Job With Jaclyn Goldis

How's that New Year's resolution going for you? Yeah, me too. Maybe we need a summer reset.
It's like a resolution do-over so your future self doesn't have to be irritated by your past self and your current self can lose some anxiety. It's very meta.
80% of New Year's goals or resolutions are a memory by mid-February.
Only one in 10 people will follow through for a solid year on a resolution.
On this Dying to Ask:
Why you might be able to blame the weather for tanking your New Year's goals
3 reasons why a summer reset makes a lot of sense
How to re-frame how you look at the calendar in goal setting

Need a new podcast to binge? Here's a link to Scamanda, which I mention on the show.

It’s Time For A Mid-Year Reset

The "Dying to Ask" podcast is marking its 200th episode in a most luxurious way.
We're talking about how simple luxuries can have a big impact on your mood and mindset. Think cheap and easy. This is not a heavy lift.
My colleague and dear friend Edie Lambert joins me as co-host.
Both Edie and I are huge fans of the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. Rubin is the best-selling author of The Happiness Project. A few months ago, she published an episode highlighting the value small luxuries have in daily life.
Edie and I loved it and did a deep dive into the little things we do to make a tough day feel a little less horrid. And we each asked our Facebook communities to weigh in too. The result is this episode.
And this is the "Dying to Ask" podcast's 200th episode! This show starts with a quick discussion of how podcasting has changed since our debut and answers a few questions listeners have asked about the success of "Dying to Ask." Thinking about starting a podcast? You're not alone, and the info may give you insight into the podcasting industry before you get started.
Back to luxuries.....
On this 'Dying to Ask':
The big impact of small luxuries.
We share KCRA viewers' suggestions on little things that make their lives feel fancy.
And Edie and I share 10 of our small luxuries.

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