Three Thousand Years of Longing is George Miller's much anticipated return to cinemas. Post Mad Max: Fury Road, expectations were high for his next project.
Sadly, Three Thousand Years of Longing can't live up to the lofty expectations of its filmmaker's predecessor. It's not a bad movie by any means; but its tale of a lonely woman finding love and purpose through an ancient Djinn isn't exactly compelling either.
Apparently, audiences agreed. On a budget of $60 million, it failed to pass even $20 million. In essence, Three Thousand Years of Longing couldn't conjure the magic Miller and co. hoped it would.
Now, sit back, fulfill your thirst desires with a Desert Magic IPA from Mudshark Brewing, and be careful what you wish for! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are scouring Istanbul for a genie in a bottle!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – What would you wish for? (00:00)
Lingering Questions – And, now, what would we wish for? (19:40)
The "Sugar Lump" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins the Genie on a Pole match, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (37:00)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We conclude "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," with the ridiculously stupid, Moonfall! (46:16)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—this film's lore and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Three Thousand Years of Longing – Not Worth the Wait

The Northman is a wild, Viking fever dream. So, if you're a fan of their mythology and lore, you will probably love it.
If not, then The Northman is a tough one to recommend. It is loaded with weird imagery and historical Viking rituals that will make little to no sense if you're not familiar with them.
Hence, it's disappointing box office return. It grossed just $69.6 million on a budget of $90 million. Though those numbers were both highs for director Robert Eggers, the former makes it a flop.
Despite its financial stumble, The Northman is a wonderful film to look at. Shot in various locations across Europe, it is, quite simply, a beautiful film. Sadly, that visual splendor is muddled by the morally grey characters who inhabit it.
Regardless, it is a film that boasts two naked men fighting in a volcano; and that's just not something you get to see every day.
Now, sit back, hack open an Icelandic White Ale from Einstok Beer Co., and consult the severed head of wisdom! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are howling at the moon in our underwear!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Conquer your fate! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – We discuss why this film failed to find commercial success. (39:32)
The "War Raven" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast hits someone with a knattleikr stick, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (59:56)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," with a tale centuries in the making, Three Thousand Years of Longing! (1:09:14)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Egger's desire for more full frontal combat and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

The Northman – Naked Volcano Fight

Black Adam was supposed to change the hierarchy of the DC Universe. Instead, it tanked with critics and couldn't conjure enough magic at the box office to earn a sequel.
Thus, it appears the Rock's long awaited appearance as the anti-hero is a one and done. Frankly, that kind of sucks because Black Adam is an entertaining movie. It's a flawed one, to be sure, but watching the titular hero mow down bad guys is a hell of a lot of fun.
Throw in an exceptional Pierce Brosnan portrayal of Dr. Fate, as well as a more than capable Hawkman adaptation (played by Aldis Hodge), and the groundwork for a bigger, better sequel was laid.
Alas, it is not meant to be. Grossing just $392.6 million on a budget north of $200 million, Black Adam couldn't prove its worth to the new DC higher ups. Bummer.
Now, sit back, electrify your taste buds with a Black Butte Porter from Deschutes, and tell them the man in black sent you! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are rallying Kahndaq to fight the undead army of Sabbac!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The world needed a hero. It got Black Adam. The time of heroes is over! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – We bid a fond farewell to Hop Nation USA, and then we discuss how badass it would've been to see Superman throw down with the Rock. (35:59)
The "Teth-Adam" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins a battle royal against Amanda Waller's goons, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (1:06:54)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," with a tale of bloody, Viking revenge, The Northman! (1:18:52)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the Rock's big DC pitch and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Black Adam – It’s Electrifying

The Wizard is a needlessly dark road trip movie about a young boy trying to find closure after the death of his twin sister.
The rest of the movie doesn't seem to understand that because that portion of the plot was written at the last minute, so it plays much more like a kids version of Rain Man, where the older brother exploits his younger, video game master brother for his own financial gain. Literally.
The Wizard, as it juggles it darker elements, also serves as a commercial for Nintendo.
An antagonist sports the Power Glove; it boasts several scenes of the titular boy wonder excelling at arcade games that are actually their Nintendo versions; and it culminates in a video game tournament, where Super Mario Bros. 3 is the championship game.
Sounds like a lot of fun, except The Wizard isn't. And somehow, the lovable (before he was problematic) Fred Savage is just an annoying asshole throughout.
Now, sit back, pick up and put down an Arcade IPA from Knee Deep Brewing Co., and beware of the Power Glove ... It's so bad! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are hitching a ride in a Hostess truck to fulfill our dreams of video game glory!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It's more than a game ... It's the chance of a lifetime! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss what games we would excel at in Video Armageddon. (23:44)
The "I Love the Power Glove" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast enters a cheat code to win, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (40:50)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin 2023 with "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," talking the film that failed to truly change the hierarchy of power in DC, Black Adam! (49:48)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Shout Factory's awesome blu-ray release and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

The Wizard – It’s So Bad

Mars Attacks! is based upon a series of Topps trading cards released in the early 1960s. And it certainly pays homage to its inspiration.
Unfortunately, its also a narrative mess that fails to get the most out of its stacked cast. Mars Attacks! features an all-star lineup. It's got Jack Nicholson in two roles, Jim Brown, Joe Don Baker, Annette Bening, Glenn Close, Michael J. Fox, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Pierce Brosnan, just to name a few.
And, yes, their presence is felt, but outside of Nicholson, who's terrific as a Las Vegas Huckster and the President, they all have nothing to do.
That is the great failing of Mars Attacks! It wants to do a lot without really doing anything at all. It's all just empty spectacle—little green CGI men conquering a hapless earth.
Hence why it received middling to negative reviews—56% on Rotten Tomatoes with 86 of them—and was beheaded like an annoying chihuahua at the box office. On a budget of $100 million, Mars Attacks! raked in just north of $101 million worldwide.
The losses on that are enough to make a financier's head explode like a martian listening to Slim Whitman.
Now, sit back, disintegrate a Double County Double IPA from Dry County Brewing, and do not trust the martians! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are optimistic about still having two out of the three branches of government. That ain't bad!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Nice planet. We'll take it! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss assess why this movie flopped. (36:14)
The "They Blew Up Congress!" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast pins a red skeleton, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:07:12)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and All I Want for Christmas Flops" with 1989's blatant Nintendo commercial, The Wizard! (1:17:09)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the current value of the cards and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Mars Attacks! – Ak Ak

GI Joe: The Movie was meant for big things. Like Transformers and My Little Pony, it would be the property's big screen debut. The failures of those two prevented it from ever getting the chance, though. Even worse, it was meant to serve as a lead-in to the third season of the television show that, ultimately, never happened. Well, it sort of did, but far later and with a different animation studio at the helm.
Essentially, it's all a big "what if?", but if you love the toys, then the odds are good you will love GI Joe: The Movie. It introduces a host of new Cobra and Joe characters to enjoy and even builds upon the lore of how Cobra came to be.
Cobra-La, as silly and odd as it is, is visually interesting, and its central characters—Golobulus, Pythona, and Nemesis Enforcer—are all extremely cool. Throw in Sgt. Slaughter's Marauders, and you've got yourself a damn good time.
Plus, GI Joe: The Movie has a sick opening song set to a battle at the Statue of Liberty! It's a banger, folks.
Now, sit back, toast to America with a Space Camper Red Spectra IPA from Boulevard Brewing Co., and start your trek to the Slaughter House! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake were once men!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Fighting for freedom wherever there's trouble! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss our favorite real American heroes. (32:47)
The "Yo Joe!" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast spars with Beach Head, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the cartoon series. (48:26)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue off "Hops and All I Want for Christmas Flops" with the Mars Attacks! (57:43)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the incredible toy line and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

GI Joe: The Movie – At Ease, Disease

RIPD— the Rest in Peace Department—is based upon a comic of the same name. We're not sure about the source material, but the film is just a unabashed Men in Black ripoff.
There's the wisecracking rookie who's new to the job; and the crotchety old vet who's stuck with him. Their job is to protect the earth from monstrous spirits, or deados, who walk among them, avoiding their fate in the afterlife. 
So, let's run this down. Secret government agency? Check. Young, quippy star? Check. Elder curmudgeon? Check. And plot that revolves around said agency protecting the unsuspecting public from a threat they have no idea exists? Check.
Thus, RIPD is just a 2013 version of a 1997 film, and in no way is that a compliment. Why? Well, because most of it does not work. And it's central elements are just grifted from better movies. The villain, played hammily by the great Kevin Bacon, is essentially just the budget Gozer from Ghostbusters.
With all that in mind, you can probably guess that this flopped and was buried by critics. On a budget estimated to be as high as $154 million, it earned a putrid $78.3 million. It's 12% on Rotten Tomatoes is also as moldy as one of the deados who's been hiding out on earth for too long.
Now, sit back, enjoy the after life with a Dead 'N' Dead from Rogue, and stay frosty! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and a special guest are hunting down evil Kevin Bacon in the mean streets of Boston!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – They're defending our world one soul at a time! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we all choose our RIPD avatars. (30:37)
The "Sounds Like an STD" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast handcuffs some deados, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (49:29)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kick off "Hops and All I Want for Christmas Flops" with the GI Joe: The Movie! (58:27)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the direct to Netflix sequel and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

RIPD – Here Come the Men in Flak

Mystery, Alaska is a classic underdog tale. The small town who lives for hockey is thrust into the spotlight when given the opportunity to faceoff against the NHL's New York Rangers (those rascally Rags).
Starring Russel Crowe— who was at the peak of his leading man powers—as sheriff/defenseman John Biebe, the movie centers on the sleepy Alaskan town of Mystery. It's a place that takes pride in many things, but hockey is really its treasure.
Thus, when the opportunity arises for them to play the aforementioned Rags, the town is abuzz. Throw in some drama around old romances, unfaithful spouses, leaky locker room betrayal, and an old curmudgeon who needs a reason to love the game again, you've got yourself the recipe for a great sports film.
Unfortunately, those ingredients did not equate to critical or box office success. Earning just $8.9 million on a budget of $28 million, Mystery, Alaska was a flop. And being drubbed by critics—37% with 82 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes—was unwarranted and nastier than a crosscheck to the face.
But, fear not, Mystery, Alaska is well worth a watch; and over time, it has garnered a devout following. That is no doubt due to its charming cast, who all feel like an actual team. You just can't help, but root for them.
Now, sit back, high stick an Amber Alt-Style Ale from Alaskan Brewing Co., and keep your head up! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash and a special guest are skating the river to prep for our showdown with the Rags!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – A small town on the outskirts of greatness! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we debate which Mystery player would be the best hang. (23:39)
The "Saturday Game" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wrestles the Goon, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (54:37)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and Heartthrob Flops" with the comic book disaster, RIPD! (1:07:50)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the recent cast reunion and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Mystery, Alaska – The Mighty Yuks

Necessary Roughness is very much just Major League on the gridiron, featuring a ragtag group of footballers who must rise to the occasion in the face of great adversity. And it's 100% a 90s gem.
Necessary Roughness is sort of the sequel to The Program we never got. In it, the Texas State Armadillos are mired in scandals.
As a result, their team has all had their scholarships revoked, leaving the university to cobble together a team of never weres. Enter, Paul Blake, played by the remarkably handsome Scott Bakula. He's a long forgotten QB who sacrificed his shot at glory to tend to the family farm.
Alongside a crew of literal misfits—including a ninja, a war enthusiast, and guy who couldn't catch a cold—Blake must defy the odds. Oh, and since it's the 90s, he also has to fall in love. That's just science.
You'll laugh; you'll cry; and I'll make you a promise: If TSU gets into that end zone, you're going to feel no pain.
Now, sit back, root for your team with a Holiday Cheer from Shiner, and always go for two! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and a special guest are throwing bows at Billy Bob's with the a-holes from the Texas Colts!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – This gang of loners, loonies, and losers is about to become something they've never been before ... a team! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we debate who the greatest fictional QB of all time is. (24:51)
The "Iron Man Football" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast commits several personal fouls, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (48:09)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Heartthrob Flops" with the comic book disaster, RIPD! (1:02:48)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the oral history of Necessary Roughness and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Necessary Roughness – Welcome to Foot ... Balls

Written by Quentin Tarantino and directed by Tony Scott, True Romance is everything we love about the lawless ass 90s. It's unapologetically profane and violent, more than a bit dated, but also utterly rewatchable.
This is due in large part to its incredible cast. From Gary Oldman as Rastafarian pimp Drexl, to a pre-Sopranos James Gandolfini as mafia heavy Virgil, to Brad Pitt as stoner Floyd, this movie is overflowing with stars in the making. And those three are barely even in it.
That's how incredible this cast is. Christian Slater, who stars as Clarence Worley, and Patricia Arquette, who plays his love interest Alabama, are surrounded by top-tier performances.
From the opening, you could probably also guess that True Romance is exceptionally written and confidently directed. Thus, despite some of its more cringeworthy (i.e. offensive) sensibilities, this is a stroll down 90s memory lane worth taking.
Shockingly, though, even with strong reviews, True Romance flopped. It grossed just over $13 million on a budget of $12.5 million. Imaginary Elvis (Val Kilmer) does not approve.
Now, sit back, casually sip a Narwhal Imperial Stout from Sierra Nevada, and enjoy the Sonny Chiba marathon! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Capt. Cash are auditioning for the TJ Hooker revival. Wish us luck!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Not since Bonnie and Clyde have two people been so good at being bad! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss our favorite performances and scenes from True Romance. (33:51)
The "White Boy Day" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast tags in, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:06:57)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Heartthrob Flops" with Scott Bakula's 90s masterpiece Necessary Roughness! (1:18:48)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—how True Romance evolved and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

True Romance – It’s White Boy Day

Jason X was probably ahead of its time. In that, it deviates from the series traditionally serious horror roots, replacing traditional scares with unchecked campiness.
When it was released in 2001, people were not pleased. Critics didn't know what to make of it either, slicing it down to a paltry 19% on Rotten Tomatoes.
With a $14 million budget, a series high at the time, its $17.1 million gross was also box office murder.
Over time, though, its unapologetically goofy premise—taking the titular Jason Voorhees to space—has grown on people. It seems the less serious audiences take Jason X, the more fun they have.
And make no mistake, that is what Jason X is all about. Come for the gory kills; ignore the terrible acting and bafflingly cheap set; and stay for Jason turning into a futuristic version of himself, who bashes some horny holographic teens into a tree.
Seriously, it's glorious.
Now, sit back, carve the top off a Voodoo Ranger Xperimental IPA from New Belgium Brewing, and leave Jason's frozen ass on Earth 1! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and Capt. Cash are hiding in our sleeping bags! Wait ... is that a good idea?
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Welcome to the future of horror! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast wins the Cryogenic Chamber Match, and then we open the Super Slash Bros field for the ultimate showdown. (34:14)
Recommendations – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we offer our picks for the week and next up: We kick off "Hops and Heartthrob Flops" with True Romance! (48:02)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the legacy of Jason and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Jason X – Jason Gonna Give It to You

Critters 4 is was the second film in the franchise to go straight to video. And it continued the trend of shrinking the scale of the story being told.
Like Critters 3, which was set in an apartment building, Critters 4 confines its characters to a claustrophobic space station and gives them very few Crites to deal with. There are literally only two titular Critters in the movie.
That feisty alien duo isn't enough to generate sufficient kills or scares to make this an entertaining entry in the series. Thus despite bringing back franchise favorite Charlie, played as always by Don Keith Hopper, and boasting the talents of horror icon Brad Dourif and the queen of Wakanda Angela Bassett, Critters 4 is a lifeless venture.
The Crites just didn't have any bite left. So, sit back, curl up with a Wild Little Thing from Sierra Nevada, and don't trust Ug or his Tera Core goons! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Mayor McCheese, Capt. Cash and Chumpzilla are playing Critter kickball in Space!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – They're invading your space! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we assess who would reign supreme in Super Slash Bros showdown. (30:57)
The "Hungry Like Piranha" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast survives a Handicap Match with the Critters, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the series. (41:31)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and Cosmic Terror Flops" with Jason X! (51:09)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the return of the insatiable Crites and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Critters 4 – Space Fur Balls

Leprechaun 4: In Space is about as low budget as a horror movie sequel can get. Released straight to video in 1997 and produced for a whopping $3 million, it gives most local theater productions a run for their money in terms of set design and costumes.
But, should we really expect anything else? Leprechaun 4 is the second of the sequels to be banished directly to video store shelves, and it further frays the series' strands of believability. Vegas sort of makes sense. But space?
Odd plot aside—which involves the titular fairy wooing an alien princess in the hopes of becoming king—Leprechaun 4 lacks most of the elements necessary for entertaining horror. It's not scary; the kills are mostly laughable; and the space ship effects appear to be ripped from an old Sega Saturn game.
Sadly, there's no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. There's just a man sobbing as the Leprechaun claws his way out of his pee hole head first.
So, sit back, use your magic to conjure up a Guinness, and stop ogling the princess! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Mayor McCheese, Capt. Cash and Chumpzilla are crawling through the air ducts to escape the arachnid version of Dr. Mittenhand!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – One small step for man. One giant leap for terror! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, We discuss what, if anything, worked in this movie. (34:44)
The "Irish UTI" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast trains with Fit Finley to take down the Leprechaun, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the iconic series. (50:50)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Cosmic Terror Flops" with Critters 4! (1:02:23)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the legacy of the Leprechaun and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Leprechaun 4 – Irish Emmanuelle in Space

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline is a typical late 80s/early 90s horror sequel; as in, it's a cash grab. Sure, it takes Pinhead and his Cenobite minions to space (sort of), but it has nothing truly unique to offer to the series' lore.
And the space element, which was so popular amongst fledgling horror franchises that we're dedicating an entire month to it, isn't even present the majority of the film. Hellraiser IV revolves much more around its subtitle, "Bloodline."
It chronicles the history of Lemarchand's Box, the puzzle box that unlocks the gateway to Hell, covering its original design by French toymaker Philip Lemarchand, through its ultimate use to lock the portal forever.
In between, we get the story of another of Lemarchand's descendants, an architect whose latest building is essentially a giant version of the 'Lament Configuration' or "The Box of Sorrows."
Of course, it wouldn't be a Hellraiser film unless the horrors of the box were unleashed, and they are in each era. But, sadly, for us, the viewers, the only thing that follows is the equivalent of cinematic torture. 
Hellraiser IV looks and feels cheap; is devoid of scares; and isn't even so bad, it's actually fun. It's just plain bad. Certainly, diminishing quality is a hallmark of horror sequels during this era, but this thing is a total mess and not just because of all the guts it spills.
Anyway, Adam Scott is here as a horny Frenchman who's into the occult! So, sit back, sink your hooks into a Tank Dog Hazy Imperial IPA from New Realm Brewing Co., and stop fumbling with that godforsaken cube! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are dancing with the devil and celebrating the fall of capitalism in space with Tim Curry!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – This year, the past, the present and the future will all meet at the crossroads of Hell! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast enters the Chamber of Horrors with Pinhead, and then we attempt to tackle the convoluted, era-spanning nonsense of Hellraiser IV. (46:06)
The "Jesus Wept!" Trivia Challenge – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the series. (1:04:42)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Cosmic Terror Flops" with Leprechaun 4. (1:18:11)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the best Cenobites in Hellraiser history and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline – Written by a Pinhead

Death to Smoochy is a black comedy about the ills of child television programming and its clear exploitation of kids for monetary gain.
The concept is ripe for the picking. Sadly, Death to Smoochy's execution of it is lacking. Neither funny, nor particularly compelling, its a movie devoid of all the essential ingredients of a good comedy. The characters—played at least with enthusiasm by Robin Williams as Rainbow Randolph and Edward Norton, the titular Smoochy—are generally unlikeable.
Randolph, who goes through a sort of awakening after losing his prime TV spot, just sort of sucks; and considering none of his self-reflection ever involves acknowledging he was fired for good reason, I'm not sure the point of it.
Throw in a needless and bizarre romance angle, multiple mob sub-plots, Jon Stewart's weird haircut, and a character whose brain damage is played for laughs, and you get one of the more mediocre enterprises of the early 2000s.
Hence why it flopped, earning $8.3 million on a budget of $50 million (Why was it that high?); and why it earned poor reviews, 42% on Rotten Tomatoes with 119 of them.
Anyway, there are a couple of good jokes. So, sit back, plot revenge while sipping a Brotherly Love Hazy IPA from Victory Brewing, and remember: Your stepdad isn't mean ... He's just adjusting! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are all auditioning to be backup skaters in Smoochy on Ice!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It's a kids show... with gangsters, bribery, and corruption! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast has a Tornado Tag versus Smoochy and Rainbow Randolph, and then we discuss how a Robin Williams movie could be so unfunny. (32:16)
The "It's a Rocket Ship!" Trivia Challenge – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (39:46)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin "Hops and Cosmic Terror Flops" with Hellraiser IV: Bloodline. (51:10)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—history of taking kids entertainment to the ice and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Death to Smoochy – Gluten and Laugh Free

47 Ronin is a Hollywood-sized retelling of a famous Japanese legend. It's full of mystical CGI beasts and absurd witchcraft. Why? Who the hell really knows, but apparently the executives wanted something in the vein of the Hobbit movies.
Yes, a recurring theme on this pod is that too often the people running the studio let their bad ideas seep into the product. 47 Ronin did not need a monstrous budget to be captivating. The actual history is interesting enough. It's more an indictment of American audiences to think authentic Japanese history wouldn't capture their attention.
Anyway, when you spend close to $225 million on what should be a straightforward tale of avenging samurai, it's a good bet you won't recoup your costs. It's also safe to assume that an abundance of fantastical nonsense will distract from the heart of the story.
Both of these ended up being true. The core ronin sadly take a backseat to a silly, nonsensical romance subplot and over-the-top green screen.
Hence, when 47 Ronin committed metaphorical seppuku at the box office, grossing a puny $151.8 million worldwide, they had no one to blame but themselves. Critics were just as unkind. With 90 reviews, it carries a 16% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Is it truly that bad? Not really, there's some fun to be had; but the strains of it being pulled by the competing visions of the director and the studio are painfully apparent.
So, sit back, pop the top on a Hitachino Nest White Ale, and beware of what lurks in the Tengu Forest! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and Chumpzilla—with katanas in hand—have vowed to avenge our fallen lord.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – There is a legend of 47 warriors who seized eternity. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss who was the better samurai, Keanu Reeves or Tom Cruise. (30:49)
The "Die with Honor" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast is thrown into the pit to survive, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (42:36)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We conclude "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with Death to Smoochy. (52:19)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the true story behind the legend and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

47 Ronin – Ronin with My Homies

Disney's Prince of Persia was a bold endeavor. With a $185 million price tag, it shattered the ceiling for video game adaptation budgets. The House of Mouse made a bet, and it was a big one.
Unfortunately, it was also a bad one. The Prince of Persia franchise is popular, but general audiences have rarely flocked to movies based on games. Thus, despite it being the most successful of the bunch—grossing $336.4 million worldwide—its receipts weren't enough to warrant a sequel.
Poor reviews, 37% on Rotten Tomatoes, coupled with a soft domestic opening, under $91 million, doomed its franchise prospects.
What it's really remembered for, though, is its bizarre decision to cast Jake Gyllenhaal as the titular Prince of Persia. In fact, the majority of the major players are white, rendering this just another tone deaf Hollywood endeavor.
Now, sit back, uncork a Pumpkin Ale, and hop on an ostrich! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are rewinding time to nudge the casting director for this film in a more appropriate direction.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Defy the Future. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss what wrong with this movie—whitewashing, of course. (36:43)
The "Sands of Time" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast does some parkour to warm up, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (51:50)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with 47 Ronin. (59:36)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the odd demand for a sequel and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music and more!

Prince of Persia – The Lion of Central Casting

Gangster Squad never equals the sum of its parts. Featuring a stacked cast—Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, and Emma Stone, to name a few—it's never more than a middling mob flick.
And that's a problem. Why? Well, there are dozens of films in this genre, many of which capitalize on their premise far more than this does.
Gangster Squad is essentially a 21st Century Untouchables without any of the style or substance that made that movie so great.
Thus, despite strong efforts from the aforementioned cast, the material is never elevated. Hence why critics hated it, 30% on Rotten Tomatoes with 207 reviews; and audiences avoided it.  On a budget of $75 million, it grossed just over $105 million worldwide.
One wouldn't move up very high on the ladder of underworld henchmen with those sorts of receipts.
So, sit back, peel the cap off a Blah Blah Blah IPA from 21st Amendment Brewery, and live dangerously in the City of Angels! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are putting together a team of unflappable lawmen to take on the mob.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – You lose everything and you win the war, you're a hero. You lose everything and you lose the war, you're just a fool. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss the exact moment Sean Penn believed he'd win the Oscar for this. (37:26)
The "Alcatraz" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast rumbles in a Chinatown "Street Fight," and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (58:19)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with the woefully miscast Prince of Persia. (1:08:39)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the controversy with the film's first trailer and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music and more!

Gangster Squad – La La Confidential

Prey reignites the Predator franchise in the best ways possible. It's more contained—focusing on the story and characters, rather than feeling the need to go bigger. It's the hit the series desperately needed.
After a slew of middling to outright mediocre sequels (and sidequels), Prey optimizes the formula for the alien hunter's antics. It takes the creature back in time—the northwest plains in 1719—and utilizes the incredible landscapes to set a tone and atmosphere the films have been missing.
This is Naru's journey just as much as it is the Predator's. She, like the extraterrestrial, is out to prove herself. That is the heartbeat of the movie—one woman's quest to demonstrate her worth as a hunter in the eyes of her tribe.
Hence why Naru (Amber Midthunder) is the best protagonist we've had since cigar-chewing Dutch in the 1987 original.
Yet, a Predator movie cannot be complete without some murderous mayhem. And there is plenty of cannon fodder to be had. Prey gives us gore by the bucket load. The mandible menace has never been more intimidating or dangerous than in this movie. And when it wipes out an entire horde of folks, it does so in incredibly gruesome and satisfying ways.
Simply put, Prey is a must-watch for fans of the franchise. So, sit back, crush a can of Hop Venom from Boneyard Beer, and cheer on the Predator as he massacres some French fur trappers! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are doing our best to avoid getting snared in any of the Predator's excruciatingly brutal man-traps.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It knows how to hunt, but we know how to survive. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss where in time we'd like the Predator to head next. (28:03)
The "Kuhtaamia" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast loses a "First Blood" match to a bear, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (45:51)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with the excellently casted, but poorly scripted flop Gangster Squad. (56:17)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the original cast's love for this movie and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Prey – Do Not Kill the Dog

Predators is the ideal set up for a sequel to the 1987 original. It includes a cast of eclectic mercenaries being pursued by the titular create. Only this time, there are three of them, and it's on their home turf.
Yes, Predators takes us back to lush jungles, which, honestly, are a much more interesting backdrop for the hunt than either LA or a small town. 
Yet, the setting is not the only good idea this movie brings to the table. You've got a Predator blood feud; the conceit that all the nefarious characters dropped into this scenario are on a game preserve; and the loony survivor who's stuck on the planet.
Where Predators is lacking is in its execution. It's not a bad film, by any means; it's just one that could've benefitted from a little more style to its rule of cool.
Hence why the reviews were just lukewarm—65% on Rotten Tomatoes with 205 of them; and audiences didn't flock to cinemas for it. It grossed $52 million domestically ($127 worldwide) on a budget of $40 million.
Those numbers are quite possibly a reflection of the godawful Alien vs Predator movies that came before it, too.
Anyway, sit back, booby trap a Cosmic Crown Belgian-Style Golden Ale from Cigar City Brewing, and stay away from the Danny Trap-jo! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and a special guest are hanging with Larry Fishburne and his imaginary best friend.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The most dangerous killers on the planet... but this is not our planet. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss which fictional character we'd like the Predator to scrap with. (49:57)
The "Predators" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast hides underneath some foliage to win the Predator Royal Rumble, and then Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:13:00)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We conclude "Hops and Hunting Ground Flops" with the franchise's triumphant return Prey. (1:22:10)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the sequel that never was and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

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