Are you ready for our take on the biggest scam horror movie of 2023? We break down this low effort film with a low effort episode of horror movie talk. We hope Sharon, Lois, and Bram would be happy.















Synopsis



IMDB gives the following synopsis for Skinamarink: Two children wake up in the middle of the night to find their father is missing, and all the windows and doors in their home have vanished.



That is only ½ true. There are still plenty of doors and windows, because that is were the camera is looking for 90% of the film.



A more accurate description is that Skinamarink is shots of nothing, with no narrative, and the occasional jump scare to scam you into thinking it’s something.



There are two children, but to say the movie is about them is to say The Shining is about the twins. They are there for the same purpose as everything else in the film. To be vaguely creepy.




https://youtu.be/APQqilSTxz0




Review of Skinamarink



As the runtime drags on, the audience realizes that there is a nefarious presence behind everything, pulling the strings with evil intent that is never fully explained. …the director.



I get what this is. It’s challenging. It is an art film that plays with emotions and expectations in a way that is undeniably uncomfortable and creepy.



However, it does feel like a scam. It blows my mind that this was shown in theaters. That’s the most amazing thing about the experience, is that it defies all logic that it exists as a commercial product, and it defies all logic that people will watch it.



This film makes me angry. I was angry that this is considered a movie. I was angry at how cheep the gimmicks were. I was angry that it was still somehow effective, but mostly I was angry that I watched it.



Score



1/10

Skinamarink Review

We went and saw M3gan and were shown what would happen if you allowed a robot to raise your child. Also, there was a crazy rich Asian in it!











@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.




https://youtu.be/BRb4U99OU80




Synopsis



A hot robotics engineer, Gemma (Allison Williams) strikes paydirt when her sister and brother in-law die and she ends up with her orphan niece, Cady (Violet McGraw).



Now, she can finally test her over-engineered killing machine slash toy on an unsuspecting child-victim that she is the guardian for.



M3gan, is an AI driven toy slash babysitter slash baby SLITTER. She is going to be the toy everyone buys this year, that is if she can convince the archeologists and the lawyer that Jurassic Park, er - M3gan is safe.



Everyone gets more hydraulic death than they bargained for.







Review



M3gan came with a ton of hype, probably because it’s got the high-tier status with Blumhouse, which means their full marketing budget. I can’t say it let me down, but it’s also not blowing my socks off.



This is a better-than-average horror movie with some solid jump scares and a creepy concept that’s similar to that of a Child’s Play movie. 



The idea of your child being raised by a robot is scary enough when all you do is plop them down in front of Youtube. When you plop them down with a silicone covered robot that can wink and has opposable digits, it gets even creepier.





Watch M3ganBuy or Rent on AmazonClick Here to Watch















M3gan is scary at times, and quite funny as well. Some of the one liners landed perfectly for me, which was a lot of fun. 



If you are the kind of person who has a hard time not picking movies apart, M3gan is not for you. This is a popcorn munching, good time with friends kind of movie. 



It’s got some great moments, but will be forgotten in a year or two, which is better than being forgotten as quickly as it comes out.



Score



7/10

M3gan Review

You know that SNL sketch were it was a trailer for a slasher movie directed by Wes Anderson? Yeah, well this was pretty close.















Synopsis



White Noise tells the story of a blended family led by Jack and Babette as they experience the joy and terror of academia, man-made disasters, and supermarkets. This film is categorized as a comedy/drama/horror, and if it’s one of those things, I guess it’s all of them. The horror element is equally treated with black comedy, and comes out mostly in the narrative of the “airborne toxic event” but also is sprinkled throughout. However, I would forgive anyone saying that this is not really a horror movie. But again, I would ask, what is it then?



Review of White Noise (2022)



The film is written (adapted) and directed by Noah Baumbach, which I associate with Marriage Story and The Meyerowitz Stories, but also cowrote The Life Aquatic and The Fantastic Mr. Fox with Wes Anderson. 



Both sensibilities blend here in this adaptation of Don DeLillo’s novel of the same name. The characters are acting like recognizable normal people, but the dialogue they are speaking seems like it’s coming from a beat poet’s fever dream, and the plot borders on the surreal. 



I’m still processing it, and most of it just kind of washed over me, but the main takeaway is that it matches the general vibe of the late 20th century being an uneasy pre-dystopia very well. I imagine that I’ll watch it again, and that it will get much better with more reps, especially as you get more familiar with the rapid fire, overlapping, enigmatic dialogue.



Score



7/10

White Noise (2022) Review

We watched John Carpenter’s Christine and were treated to some good, old fashioned, car calendar porn.











@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.




https://youtu.be/0Xq75RR7otQ




Synopsis



A nerdy young man named Arnie (Keith Gordon) finds his soulmate in a 1958 Plymouth Fury. He rebuilds the car and in-turn rebuilds himself as a confident, independent lad.



You Arnie notices that girls are now attracted to him, and this turns him into a force of nature. But the real force of nature seems to be his car, nicknamed Christine.



Christine seems to have a life of her own, a life centered around taking life from others. 



Arnie’s mom and dad are worried about him, his friends are worried about him, and even his hot stuff girlfriend is worried about him. 



Anyone who crosses Arnie, though, is worried about Christine.



Everyone get’s more classic cars than they bargained for.







Review



This coming of age tale is the inverse Stephen King screenplay to the movie we reviewed last week, Carrie, where a young girl gets her period and subsequently murders her whole school. 



In Christine, we see a nerdy young man get that big dick energy when he finds something to obsess over, which is strangely true-to-life for males.



Best of all, the ending sequence takes place on New Years Eve!



Christine isn’t the silver screen powerhouse that Carrie is, but it’s interesting when viewed back to back with it’s feminine counterpart.





Watch Christine (1983)Buy or Rent on AmazonClick Here to Watch















It’s slow, sometimes tedious, and a little mellow for a movie directed by the same guy who brought us Halloween and The Thing (John Carpenter).



That being said, there was no part of Christine where I was upset with it. 



It really struck me how much of the sentiment of Carrie is in here. Arnie gets bullied relentlessly by bullies at school and his parents aren’t exactly cool. Even the garage owner bullies Arnie around. In the end Arnie doesn’t find the power within himself, he imbues it into his work. This is a weirdly masculine trait. 



Where Carrie finds the magic within her, Arnie finds it within other things. Arnie needs things and others in a uniquely masculine way. He needs acceptance, he needs a girlfriend. He needs Christine. Carrie doesn’t need anyone, she just needs peace. She has had it with your shit. Arnie has too.



It’s a solid movie about a car that has the shining.If that sounds like a good time to you, this is honestly something you will enjoy. 



Score



6/10

Christine (1983) Review

Whoores Volume 4 – We Take Your Voicemails

In the most accurate portrayal of a girls high school locker room, we are treated to the wonders and horrors of puberty. Girls experience changes in their body such as menstruation and telekinetic powers, and boys get hard.















Synopsis



In this film adaptation of Stephen King’s first novel, Carrie White (Sissy Spacek) is a super sheltered teenage girl being raised by a religious fanatic mother while going to high school. In the first scene, we see Carrie experience her first menstruation in the girls locker room and she is utterly unequipped and humiliated. She’s relentlessly bullied by the other girls, and as a result they are punished and some seek revenge.



The film shows Carrie’s journey from being an outcast to being a self actualized young woman, albeit in a tragic way. All along the audience is privy and sympathetic to the trainwreck slowly unfolding.



Review of Carrie



Carrie was a surprise hit in 1976. Off of a budget of 1.6 million, it grossed over 30 million in the box office. Brian DePalma, the director, skillfully adapted King’s novel to the screen. There are two other Carrie adaptations, but this 1976 version is the only one that is unforgettable.



It walks the line between dark comedy, horror, melodrama successfully. The over the top cruelty and humiliation portrayed in the film don’t seem ridiculous in the setting of high school, because they represent the inner distorted world that every teeneager experiences in high school. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a teenager’s imaginary audience.



Some of the characters are more caricatures than people, but the one that counts most is Carrie, and all the others serve to make hers compelling and believable. Her reactions and countenance seem insane until you meet her fanatic mother, and the pieces all fall into place.



The film deserves it’s place as one of the most iconic horror movies of all time. It’s enjoyable and unforgettable. It’s unique, strange, and somehow extremely relatable.



Score



10/10

Carrie (1976) Review

The comedy is without feeling. The violence is without warrant. The concept is as old as film. Monster bad - but monster also tragic - but get out of my swamp.

Hatchet (2006) Review

Have you ever fallen in love with a car? Like really fallen in love with a car? Well take that lust and combine it with a horror movie, and you get Titane.











Synopsis



Titane is about a lot of things. I mean, what isn’t Titane about? It’s not quite a Tit, and it’s not quite an Ane, but maaaan…so to answer your question, I dunno.



Just kidding, it’s about the worlds most famous female auto show twerker/serial killer getting pregnant from fucking a car, and posing as a grieving father’s long lost son. So, you know, that old yarn.




https://youtu.be/Q5_w2W5G9OM




Review of Titane



This movie is really something else. There are obvious comparisons to David Croenenberg since it has some great disturbing body horror, but at the same time, it’s not like anything I’ve seen before. 



There is very little hand holding, to the point where it’s never quite explained why the protagonist does the things she does. But it’s apparent that even the protagonist doesn’t know either.



It’s a dream-like film with evocative lighting, disturbing imagery, and lots of tits.







Despite The bizarre plot and sphinx-like protagonist, there is a deeply human core to this film. It examines the inscrutable nature of desire, compulsion, and loss.



I liked it a lot, and see why it got so much buzz last year. I wouldn’t say it’s a must see, but if you are in the mood for something really weird, check it out.







Score



8/10

Titane Review

We went and saw The Menu, and were plated with a heaping helping of comedy drenched in satire, smothered in secret sauce.











@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.




https://youtu.be/Kx55Rkynhtk




Synopsis



One of the world’s most prestigious and private restaurants is located on an island where access is as limited as the invites.



A young couple of Tyler (Nicholas Hoult) and Margot (Anya Taylor-Joy) are lucky enough to make the list along with a variety of other impressive clientele.



Chef Slowik (Ralph Fiennes) is a serious man with serious talent, dedication, and staff - Maybe too serious.



What no one realizes is that tonight the menu is an extra special one and everyone gets more second helpings than they bargained for.







Review



The Menu is a strong dish that is best served without too much foreknowledge of what’s in store. It’s a moody thriller that is, at it’s core, a loving homage to dry comedies like A Mighty Wind and Best in Show.



It’s takes a deep look at inspiration in creation and skewers the consumers of art and food alike. It’s pretentious and funny and quite gruesome. 



It’s also a ton of fun. 









Watch The MenuBuy or Rent on AmazonClick Here to Watch















In the first 20 minutes, I desperately wanted to dislike this movie. Eventually it won me over with its incredibly dry humor wrapped in macabre violence and disdain for humanity.



Every character is interesting and adds something to the story, and each bit of the story unfolds in a way that keeps you waiting for that next dish.



Most importantly, The Menu doesn’t overstay its welcome. It’s perfectly portioned out and cooked to a nice sweet and nutty glaze.



Score



10/10

The Menu Review

People are strange when you're a stranger. This week we review The Strangers. Why? Because we were home. 











Synopsis



A young couple comes home late after a friend’s wedding. Kristen, played by Liv Tyler, and James, played by Scott Speedman, appear distraught despite the obvious preparations for a romantic evening at home. We learn that their evening has been ruined by a failed proposal, and they awkwardly work their way through the fallout.



In the midst of their relationship turmoil in the middle of the night, they receive a strange visitor looking for “Tamara”. They turn the teen girl away, but she soon returns.



Eventually more Strangers in masks show up and torment the young couple with increasingly strange behavior.



Review of The Strangers



The Strangers is in a group of super nihilistic horror films that use lack of motive, message, and pretense to their advantage. The dread felt in this movie is strong, and is caused by the confusion and hopelessness of the protagonists’ situation.



The other feature of this story is that it is believable. The opening credits state that it is based on true events. Mainly that murderers exist and sometimes they target complete strangers for no reason.



The film reminds me of original Last House on The Left, and Funny Games, mostly because they will all completely ruin your night.



The film is well crafted and the suspense and tension is expertly increased over time. It’s a very simple and uncomplicated premise delivered in a tight hour and 30 minutes. The ending is a gut punch and will stick with you.



Score



8/10

The Strangers Review

We watched Dashcam on Hulu and got treated to the best 67 minutes of comedy laced terror wrapped in found footage goodness since Creep.











@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.




https://youtu.be/uOqHr1bC7iw




Synopsis



Annie Hardy is the talented host of her own stream called Band Car. Band Car is the internet's #1 live improvised music show broadcast from a moving vehicle. 



Annie raps to a beat while spouting what lots of Americans today would consider risque truths mixed with conspiracy theories. 



In an effort to escape the insanity of a divided America, Annie heads across the pond to visit her former band mate, Stretch.



Unfortunately, Annie and Stretch get into a fight because his girlfriend is a stuck up prude, and Annie takes Band Car on the road in Stretch’s stolen car.



Things start to get weird when Annie picks up a sick woman named Angela. 



Everyone get’s more mask mandates than they bargained for.







Review



Dashcam is the second found footage horror movie by Rob Savage, who in 2020 brought us Host.



Fortunately, this time Rob had the foresight to cast Annie Hardy to play the role of his main character, Annie Hardy.



Annie is probably the most entertaining actress I’ve ever seen. She is clever, talented, complicated, a little crazy, and totally hilarious. Dashcam is carried almost entirely by Annie and her improvised streamer banter and bullshit.





Watch DashcamBuy or Rent on AmazonClick here to Watch















What Annie doesn’t shoulder, is the completely insane pacing and action of this movie. Every five minutes we find ourselves in someplace new fighting off an escalating array of horror and insanity.



As we delve deeper into the terror, we find ourselves asking, “How can it get more crazy than this?” A word to the wise, you should probably buckle up, because it gets crazier!



This year we’ve been blessed with tons of great horror movies, and Dashcam is one of the best. 



Score



9/10

Dashcam Review

Bonus Voicemail Episode – Whores Only 3

When you're smiling the whole world smiles at you. Maybe not in this case, but most of the resto of the time.















Synopsis



Dr. Rose Cotter, a workaholic psychiatrist at a busy hospital, sees a troubled patient that complains of hallucinations of people with creepy smiles terrifying her every waking moment. Initially Dr. Cotter doesn’t believe the young woman, but when the same phenomenon begins happening to her, she must investigate the origins of the mysterious curse before it is too late.



Review of Smile (2022)



Smile is the first feature length film from writer/director Parker Finn and is a retelling and expansion of his short Laura hasn’t slept. I haven’t been this excited about a new director since Ari Aster.



I loved this movie.



It has depth, it’s well crafted, and it features excellent performances from its cast.



Lets start with the tone and theme of the movie. It’s an on the nose allegory for the long lasting emotional effects of trauma, which specifically uses trauma as a device in the plot. The fact that it is so on the nose and that I didn’t feel like it was ever ham handed in it’s delivery, makes it all the more impressive to me. The tone is dark and helpless, and only sinks deeper throughout.











The direction and editing was fantastic. It has some of the best jumpscares I have ever witnessed, and somehow they seemed innovative instead of hacky. I jumped and yelled out several times in the theater. In so doing, it reaches the elusive praise of being “scary” by which some viewers judge horror movies. 



The sound design and music should almost get top billing on the poster. I’ve never been so disorientated and terrorized by ringing phones. The music is deeply unsettling and is composed by Cristobal Tapia de Veer, who did the music for White Lotus on HBOMax



Sosie Bacon, relative of the famous Travis Bacon, plays Rose, and her devolution into madness was convincing and heart wrenching.



The characters felt fleshed out, and the relationships felt real. There was one scene between Rose and her fiance played by The Boys’ Jessie T. Usher, that felt false to me, but eventually his character and that relationship was framed in a way that even made that one moment make sense.



It’s a movie that can be easily compared to It Follows and Th e Babadook, but it doesn’t ever feel derivative.



I didn’t think I’d find another horror movie this year that I’d love as much as Barbarian, but here we are, just weeks later.



I can’t stress this enough. I am a jaded, pretentious movie reviewer (see my comments on Terrifier 2’s review for proof). I no longer watch horror movies out of love or desire. I watch them out of obligation. This movie and Barbarian opened my cold heart and gave me childlike joy and terror, much like the critic at the end of Ratatouie. My faith in filmmaking is restored when I see new creative writer/directors that can still shock and delight me in the m

Smile Review

We watched Terrifier 2 and were treated to a homage to 80’s slashers with a runtime of a Lord of the Rings movie.











@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.




https://youtu.be/6KkONLf_ZKU




Synopsis



A year after his original massacre, Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) returns to terrify Miles County. This time instead of killing random people, he seems to have an agenda and a renewed sense of humor.



Art targets the friends and family of Sienna (Lauren LaVera). He is twisted, hateful, and worst of all - inappropriately humorous.



As he mutilates kids and adults alike, he kind of helps to bring Sienna’s family together, which is as weird as it sounds. 







Review



This is the third Art the Clown effort by writer/director Damien Leone, who was obviously beaten by his father as a child.



I think that it’s fair to say that Art the Clown has earned a place among the likes of Michael Myers, Jason, and Freddy, although his brand of slasher is a much more horrifically violent one, with a kind of through the looking glass feel to the whole thing. 



Terrifier 2 is the longest slasher I’ve ever seen. It’s fucking long. It’s longer than The Return of the Jedi by 20 minutes!!



Lots could have been left on the editing room floor. This movie has so much extra dialog and mood scenes that I question whether or not they were just going for some kind of record.





Watch Terrifier 2Buy or Rent on AmazonClick here to Watch











Does the runtime make it bad? No, it just makes it less good.



Terrifier's brand seems to be astonishingly fucked up gore set to slapstick and deadpan comedy. Some of the kill concepts in this are truly gruesome and will never leave your mind. 



Is this movie good? I don’t know, it’s not my favorite thing to see horrendous gore, but I have to say, if I am going to see horrendous gore, I would choose to see it with Art the Clown. He a pretty funny guy.



This is not a real movie to me, this is some sort of attempt at a world record. It’s a pretty interesting thing to see. It pays homage to slashers of olde while cramming sex and blood down your gullet in a way that truly sickens me and makes me want to ask, “what is wrong with kids these days?” But that’s the whole point.



If that sounds like a good time to you, you probably didn’t need to listen to my review.



Score



6/10

Terrifier 2 Review

Bonus Voicemail Episode – Whores Only 2

If you're ready for a howlin' good time, look no further than Dog Soldiers. The setup of a group of soldiers provides an ideal level of character development and werewolf fodder in this 2002 monster movie.















Synopsis



In the highlands of Scotland, a group of soldiers are deployed in a training mission. Before long they stumble across the scene of another squad that has been ripped apart by an unseen monster. The lone survivor, Davos Seaworth, is close lipped about what they were attacked by and why they were there, since they were using live rounds and not a part of the training mission. Soon howling and fast moving creatures start picking them off until they run into a zoologist named Megan, who knows exactly what is hunting them, werewolves.




https://youtu.be/UX9S3hdgZ5g




Review of Dog Soldiers



This is honestly the first time I’ve even heard of Dog Soldiers. And it doesn’t seem surprising given that it never had a wide release outside of the Sci Fi channel.



This is a very simple movie with a relatively low budget. However, it squeezes every cent out of the budget and delivers a fun and entertaining monster movie.



They opted to go completely practical with the effects, which limits a lot of what they can do with the werewolves, but it was the right choice given where CG was at the time. 







There are some shots early on of the werewolves that are pretty laughable, in that they look like peachfuzz from Creep, but for the most part they limit the appearance of the werewolves in ways that hide how goofy they look full on.



Regardless of the special effects, the plot, characters, and dialogue in the movie are what make it worth watching in my opinion. The relationships seem real, the dialogue is fun, and the actors really pull off great performances.



This is a passion project of writer/director Neil Marshall, who is obviously having fun, and puts in a lot of references and call backs to his favorite movies throughout.



While it might not be a “great” movie, the fun is infectious and its a compelling setup with some satisfying twists at the end.



Score



7/10 





Dog SoldiersAdd it to your collectionClick here to Buy or Rent

Dog Soldiers Review

We watched Critters (1986) and were taken on a nostalgia trip the likes of which only an  80’s horror movie can deliver.











@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.




https://youtu.be/9V3YGz-u2Ts




Synopsis



Critters is a fun and simple story about a slew of terrifying little Krites and their escape from prison asteroid sector 17, the bounty hunters hired to track them down, and a small town in Kansas who has to endure their reign of terror. After summarizing it, it seems a little less simple, but somehow it works.



As the Krites crash-land on earth, the town comes under attack. As the bounty hunters arrive, things are thrown into an even more impressive disarray by the single minded and determined bounty hunter crew.



Will the critters take over earth, or will the bounty hunters and earthlings learn how to team up to defeat these tiny terrors?







Review



Critters is a super-fun and easy-going 80’s creature feature with a ton going for it. It knows exactly what it is, which is a Star Wars, E.T. the Extra Terrestrial, Gremlins, Ghoulies, homage slash tribute slash ripoff.



Watching Critters now, I feel like I can hear the producers saying, “People want new stuff that references old stuff in a way that makes them remember the old stuff, but this new stuff has to be it’s own fun thing.” That’s exactly what Critters is, and without shame or even too much in the way of fourth-wall-breaking winks.





Watch CrittersRent or Buy on AmazonClick here to Watch











It’s not going to blow you away or even make you feel scared. But it’s not really supposed to make you scared. It’s supposed to be a somewhat risque and fun film for you to sit down with your youngsters on a Friday night and munch on some popcorn over.



This is a PG-13 film and in the eyes of a 10 year old, it earns it. It’s got some decent violence and lots of frightening explosions. 



The Critters themselves are some of the most unique and well-thought-out horror movie monsters that I can think of. Here is a list of some of the more notable traits among Krites:




Highly mobile when rolling in a ball



Built in long-range with poison Krite quills



Always hungry and can eat anything



Can grow to massive proportions



Can reproduce limitlessly




It’s hard to hate this movie because it has so much going for it in the way of nostalgia. It uses tons of practical effects and puppetry and has a tangent storyline involving bounty hunters that is fun in a way that I can’t quite describe.



Score



7/10



Get 13% Off your order at NightChannels.com when you use code HMT at checkout.

Critters Review

The long reign of terror is over. Or is it...? It is. Hopes were high after Halloween 2018, but each installment got progressively worse, until finally, Halloween Ends.















Synopsis



The town of Haddonfield, IL is on edge from the previous Halloween’s rampage from Michael Myers. Not in a way that gets them to be safer or demand justice, but mostly in a way that makes them irrationally blame Laurie Strode for all their problems.



Corey, a good kid, ends up accidentally killing a little prick of a kid, and gets labeled as psycho by the town. He gets pushed around until he finally reaches a breaking point and starts to style himself after Michael Myers.



Laurie Strode herself, after living a life based on fear and vengeance, training herself to be the ultimate mercenary, in this movie says, meh, I’ll just live like a normal grandma now.



And Michael Myers shows up at the end.




https://youtu.be/s0vtbxLa-N8




Review of Halloween Ends



After Halloween Kills, my expectations were not high for this film, but nonetheless, it didn’t meet them. I imagine for fans of the Halloween franchise, this entry will be as befuddling to them as it is to me.



You would think that this being the final entry in the franchise, it would focus on what makes it work. Mainly, the unstoppable Michael Myers.



Nope, they play a switcheroo, and focus on attempting to create a Michael Myers stand in protege. 



It’s a bold move, and could be interesting, if they didn’t completely fuck up everything to do with character development and motivation. 







Every character in this movie acts completely irrationally. Your brain will feel whiplash as characters completely change motivations instantly. This serves to make the plot seem completely arbitrary and nonsensical. 



The film attempts to analyze the nature of evil via nature vs nurture, but it falls completely flat, since they don’t present a compelling or cogent argument for either.



I will say that the ending is satisfying. Laurie and Michael do get their final standoff, and it does put a period on the franchise.



After watching this movie, I do hope it is the last.



Score



3/10 





Watch Halloween KillsWatch on AmazonClick here to Buy or Rent

Halloween Ends Review & James Jude Courtney Interview

Wanna watch the grossest movie out there but don't wanna do it alone? Allow our quips to keep you company in this Human Centipede 2 commentary track! Happy Halloween!



If you had been on Patreon you would have had access to this months ago!

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) Commentary Track

We watched Hellraiser (2022) and were reminded of a series which has virtually infinite potential and has fallen from grace, and risen like Lazarus to raise heck again.











@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.




https://youtu.be/oUlgwJNdu2I




Hellraiser can be found on Hulu in their formidable Huluween selection



Synopsis



Riley (Odessa A’zion) is a young woman struggling with addiction and staying sober. Her boyfriend, Trevor (Drew Starkey) is also a recovering addict who seems to be a little less concerned about sobriety and walking the straight and narrow. 



Riley’s brother, Colin (Adam Faison) and his gay boyfriend, Matt (Brandon Flynn) are worried about Riley.



When Riley and her straight boyfriend, Trevor break into a storage locker and steal the puzzle box - wacky hijinks ensue and everyone gets more heck than they bargained for.







Review



Hellraiser (2022) is a promising new movie based in the Hellraiser universe. It’s 54% reboot, 27% homage, 33% slow and boring, with a nice 12% helping of gloop.



Probably the biggest thing that Hellraiser has going for it is David Bruckner is at the helm, fresh off one of our favorite movies of 2020 - The Night House and The Ritual from 2017.



What works



Hellraiser does a lot of things right. It keeps the plot pretty easy to follow, and stays true to a lot of the lore of the series. It also has a lot of nods to sequels in the long line of Yellsayser movies.



The re-imagined Cenobites are off putting and sometimes horrifying, which is fabulous. Jamie Clayton as The Preist aka lady pinhead is something to behold, and strangely sexless as a character.



Lots of this movie was upsetting and hard to watch, but there was some stuff that didn’t work too well for me. I’m a bit tired of the same story playing out over and over again. 





Watch The Original Hellraiser Buy or Rent on AmazonClick here to Watch











What doesn't work



With this intellectual property, you could go to actual hell, and have any number of incredible and weird stories play out. Just take Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 as an example.



Instead, we have to see a bunch of new people going through a lot of similar actions that we’ve seen before. 



The pacing on this Hellraiser is also incredibly slow. It’s clear that a slow burn was their intent, but sometimes it drags a little too much.



Final Recommendation



Overall, this is a breath of fresh air to an otherwise dead series, and I’m glad to see it. I’ve always thought that Hellraiser had a ton of potential, and this is a pretty high-quality example of where it can go.



Score



7/10

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