In this episode, the team talks about the lie of shame which says, “I am what I am. I can’t change. I’m hopeless.”
When we believe this lie, it makes us feel like we have no worth or value. When we feel hopeless, we might make choices that reinforce those feelings. We might turn to substance abuse or other reckless decisions to numb the pain. Or, we may self-sabotage because we have no hope for anything better. If you have ever struggled with feeling hopeless because of a wrong decision or the trajectory of your life, this episode is for you. We want you to know that there is always hope! 

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55. How Shame Hinders You From Being Your Best Self

In this third episode of our four-part series, the team covers lie number three from the book Search For Significance. This lie tells us that because I have failed, I am unworthy and deserve to be punished. This lie results in self-loathing or blaming others for our failures. Consider a time when you have failed. Did you look inward, or did you blame somebody else for it, and you became the victim? If you took it upon yourself, did you look at the failure as an isolated incident, or did you turn it into a character trait or who you are? Did you find yourself saying anything to yourself like:

 If I fail, then I'm totally unworthy.
 I'm a failure. It's just who I am.
 I didn't just fail once. I am a failure.

God's answer to this problem can be found in the Bible in a single word - proportion. So what does that word mean? It simply means God took on what our due punishment was for being sinners and released us from the debt of it. He came, loved us despite our failings and sin, and took our sins, shame, pain, and failures on the cross. He took all of that so that we could be released from it. He replaced our sin and shame with His love and righteousness.  
So when we live this lie of wanting to place blame, whether, on ourselves or someone else, somebody has to be punished for it. But we can free ourselves from that because God says, "You don't have to live under this anymore! When you feel unlovable, when you mess up, or when you fail. You don't have to punish yourself or anyone else for that! I took all that on me so you can be set free!" 


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54. You Still Have Worth Even If You Fail

In this second episode of our three-part series, the team covers lie number two from the book Search For Significance. This lie tells us that I must have the approval of certain people to feel good about myself. This is the lie of the approval addict, which results in fear of rejection.
Many survivors find themselves in the trap of - I must be approved by others to be loved, have worth, and find identity. No matter how young or old we are, we are all just like the little child with the craving for acceptance and the hunger for approval. 
We all want to know the following:

 Am I ok?
 Do you see me?
  Is what I have done good enough?
  Do I matter to you?

We all have two things in common: 

  The need to be needed
  The need to be known by others

We all wrestle with questions like:

  Do people see me?
  Do people understand me?

This yearning in our hearts is why this episode is so important! We need to remind ourselves that God looks down upon us and says, "I see you, you are needed, you are known, and I am proud of you." We need to let God fill our hunger for approval and be our only source that meets all of our needs.


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53. The Problem With Being An Approval Addict

In this first episode of our three-part series, the team covers lie number one from the book Search For Significance. This lie tells us that I must meet specific standards to feel good about myself. This is the lie of perfectionism or the lie that I must perform to be considered worthy. 
Many survivors find themselves in the trap of - I must perform a certain way to be loved, have worth, and find your identity. In addition, this way of thinking makes you believe that if I'm successful, I'm good enough or worthy of love. The problem with this mindset is it forces you to focus your attention on yourself or the trajectory of your life against others, making you self-absorbed and focused on all the wrong things. This is a trap that keeps you bound and unproductive. To walk in true freedom, you must believe in who God says Jesus is. 
Check out this episode to learn more about who God says Jesus is and what we receive when we believe in Him as our Redeemer. 



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52. The Lie of Perfectionism

This month we are starting a four-part series based on the book Search for Significance, which Robert McGhee wrote. 
Self-worth is vital, but it's where we find our worth that is the most important. The world will try to tell us where our identity comes from. Most people find self-worth in the outward thing or what they have achieved. But what happens when we fail? Do we still have self-worth, and do we still think we have value? We have to be careful about where we find our identity. We must find our worth in the right place - in God and Him alone. 
In this first intro episode, we look at four significant lies people believe about their worth: 

 Lie #1 - I must meet specific standards to feel good about myself. This belief results in fear of failure. 
 Lie #2 -  I must have the approval of certain people to feel good about myself. This belief results in fear of rejection. 
 Lie #3 - Those who fail, including me, are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. This belief results in guilt.
 Lie #4 - I am what I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless. This belief results in shame.

In this series, you'll learn how to find your true identity in Christ rather than looking for it in earthly things or lies that want to deceive us! 


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51. Where Does Your Significance Come From?

In this episode, mental health counselor, Kristan Torres, explains the importance of understanding your story - where you've come from, what you've been through, and what you're going through now. We need to understand and wrestle through our stories to find true freedom. We can know our story factually, such as seeing that we've been through sexual abuse. But understanding it and working through the details of it and the effects that it's had on our lives is a whole different story. It's a much bigger thing to understand the facts versus actually understanding the impact of everything in our story. In addition, what is even more important than knowing your story is being able to look for the gospel message in your story.

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50. Wrestling Through Your Story

In episodes 41 - 43, we talked about the lies that survivors believe about themselves and the abuse they experienced that prevents them from healing. In this episode, we get the perspective of our male facilitator, Justin Young, as he shares from the second recording from our men's study called Renew on how these lies have affected his life and journey from healing. Justin's story is highly relatable and inspiring! We hope this episode will encourage you to make yourself a priority and to get the healing you need and deserve! 

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49. Lies That Keep Survivors From Healing

This month we are wrapping up our three-part series on intimacy. In this last episode, the team looks at three critical barriers to intimacy - compulsive behaviors, need suppression, and unforgiveness. We often use these barriers to readjust or suppress our intimacy needs. Some people run out of ways to fulfill their needs, so they try to make themselves believe that they can live without intimacy. But, that's a lie! We were created to be connected to God and to other people. This episode is for anyone willing to take a hard look inside and ask themselves the honest questions of - do I have unmet needs in my life, and if I do, what could be the root cause of those feelings?

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48. How Compulsive Behaviors, Need Suppression, and Unforgiveness Crush Intimacy With Others

This month we are continuing with our three-part series on intimacy. In this second episode, the team looks at how a critical spirit or judgmental attitude can affect physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. We also talk about three different reasons people avoid intimacy and how those become barriers to genuine closeness with others. 
Intimacy involves being open and talking through your thoughts and emotions, being vulnerable, and showing someone else how you feel and your hopes and dreams. Intimacy is built up over time, and it requires patience and effort from everyone involved to create and maintain. 
As humans, we all have areas that we need to grow in, and one of those areas for most survivors is creating true intimacy with family, friends, and a partner or spouse. If you are willing to be brave and explore behaviors that need work to achieve genuine intimacy with others, then this episode is for you!


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47. How A Judgmental Attitude and A Critical Spirit Are Barriers To Intimacy

This month we are starting a three-part series on intimacy and how sexual abuse can affect physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness. This episode will build the framework for the rest of the episodes by looking at what intimacy is and not. We will examine some feelings and related behaviors resulting from a lack of intimacy. Survivors often isolate themselves because their need for intimacy is not met. Anytime a personal need is not met, we experience painful feelings. 
This episode is for anyone willing to take a hard look inside and ask themselves the honest questions of - do I have unmet needs in my life, and if I do, what could be the root cause of those feelings? 

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46. Unmet Needs For Intimacy

In this episode, the team looks at what sexual abuse is, the importance of terminology, and helping survivors understand its effect on their lives. When it comes to sexual abuse, terminology is fundamental for in healing process. However, if you have never been taught correct terminology, you can wrongly classify your abuse. The hard truth is that you cannot identify what you do not understand.
If you are a survivor, we hope this episode encourages you to share your story with others one day. Some people need to hear your story because your story has the power to give others the courage to face their truths and trauma. Many people will see God through your transparency and boldness! 

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45. The Difference Between Knowing You've Been Sexually Abused & Understanding The Effect It Has Had On Your Life

As we kick off a new season and year, we wanted to start 2022 with an episode about why a survivor should heal from sexual abuse. In this episode, Nicole Escobar shares her story of abuse and why she is so passionate about the work that Trees of Hope is doing. In this episode, we also share with you the first recording of our new men's study called Renew, that features our dear friend, Justin Young. Justin is a survivor of sexual abuse and our online men's facilitator. Justin's story is highly relatable and inspiring! If you are a survivor, we hope this episode encourages you to make this your year to walk through some form of healing, and we also hope this episode will be the sign you need that now is the time to take back your story and control in this area of your life! 

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44. Why Go Through Healing From Sexual Abuse

Over the past few months, we have been talking about the false beliefs that victims believe about themselves or the abuse they went through. As a recap, the false beliefs are:

 It's my fault.
 I must have been a terrible person for them to do this to me.
  I wanted them to do this to me.
  It didn't happen! I must have made it up.

Last month we talked about having low self-esteem, which is one of the consequences of believing these false beliefs. The other two consequences that we cover in this episode are - shame and guilt. 
Shame and guilt are consequences/outcomes of believing lies about your abuse. When victims believe these lies, they can have feelings of low self-worth, guilt, and undeserved blame for their abuse. All of these can keep you bound, and when you're bound, you cannot fully heal.
We hope this episode encourages you and helps you see the lies about your abuse for what they are - lies! 


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43. How Believing Lies About Your Abuse Can Produce Unnecessary Shame and Guilt

In this episode, Stevie and Nicole cover why a survivor should not reduce or downplay their abuse and the consequences of believing the lie that somehow the abuse was your fault. 
Survivors often minimize their sexual abuse. This can be because the person who abused you made you believe that the situation was harmless. But it is so important that despite the messages you heard or the lies you believed, that you should not minimize the crime committed against you. 
Often survivors feel that they don’t deserve the respect and love of others. They feel dirty and unwanted. Having these types of feelings, even if they are buried down deep, can leave you with emotions that will prevent you from protecting yourself and set you up to be abused again and again. Maybe even just emotionally. 
This episode is crucial for those who struggle with false beliefs and bear the consequences of insecurities. This episode is also for the person who thinks that the abuse they went through many years ago can’t possibly affect their lives now. We hope this episode will help set you free!


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42. Why A Survivor Shouldn't Minimize Their Abuse

Sexual abuse almost always leaves victims with a damaging set of false beliefs about their value and worth. Held as absolute truths, these false ideas create mistaken guilt, destroy self-esteem, and assign undeserved responsibility for what has happened to those who have already suffered devastating emotional and physical trauma.
Christians, who are survivors, often struggle with the contrast between what they know to be scriptural truth and the overwhelming emotions they experience due to the abuse. They long to believe all God tells them in the Bible, yet they have difficulty bringing the truth into their hearts and living it out every day. Sexual abuse victims struggle with the following four major false beliefs about the abuse: It’s my fault; I must be a terrible person for them to do this to me; I wanted them to do this to me; it didn’t happen! and I must have made it up. 
In this episode and the next, we will explore examples and causes of these false beliefs and how a survivor can overcome and be set free from the lies that keep them bound.

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41: The Lies That Survivors Believe About Themselves and Their Abuse

In this episode of Not Just a Hashtag, we have a short clip from Kristan Torres, our mental health counselor, on the topic of how to find peace when you are overwhelmed with anxiety. The reality is that anxiety is real and common. We all face anxiety. For some people anxiety is a nuisance, for others, it causes distress, while for others it can be debilitating. But what does the Bible have to say about anxiety? In this episode, Kristan takes a closer look at what anxiety is, where it comes from, and how we can find peace in the Psalms to help us overcome! We hope you enjoy it. 


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40. How To Find Peace When You Feel Anxiety

In this episode, we have special guest, Stevie Estler, founder of Built by Stevie join us. Stevie is a South Florida native and now lives in Nashville where she runs her all-female run carpentry business. Stevie tells her story of sexual abuse, healing, and how her journey has created a passion in herself to see other people set free. She details the hurdles she struggled with, how she overcame enormous odds and inspired listeners never to let themselves be silenced or defined by their victimization experiences.


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39. Overcoming Anxiety With Special Guest Stevie Estler

In this episode, Mental Health Counselor of Hope Christian Counseling, Kristan Torres, and the Director of Trees of Hope, Nicole Escobar, talk about how to let go of feelings of shame and guilt associated with being sexually abused. Shame is a natural response to feeling uncovered or exposed. During the abuse, your body was probably uncovered, but there was also the uncovering of your mind. Your sense of innocence was destroyed and trust was lost. Innocence and trust must be restored. Survivors of abuse are left with frustrated hopes and plans. Dreams for having a healthy relationship with a father, a mate, a mother, a brother, or a child have been demolished. The abuse leaves victims believing that they are insignificant, of no account, no good. As you become aware of and overcome shame messages, these messages will have less power over you. In this episode, we give nine tips to overcome shame and how to replace it with strong connections with genuine people and empathy for yourself.
Disclaimer: Please keep in mind what we say in this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute or take the place of advice from your doctor or therapist. If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual abuse, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

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38. Overcoming Shame and Guilt

Victims of sexual abuse experience severe violations of personal boundaries. Consequently, anger and anger management problems are common for survivors. We often fear anger or try to avoid it because of its perceived destructive effects, but it is possible to be angry about the effects that sexual abuse has had on your life and not let that anger control your life. In this episode, Mental Health Counselor of Hope Christian Counseling, Kristan Torres, and the Director of Trees of Hope, Nicole Escobar, take a look at how you can use anger to fuel your healing journey. The team also looks at the purpose of confronting your abuse and perpetrator, either in-person or through a simulated outlet, in order to release your feelings of hurt and anger.

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37. Dealing With Anger After Sexual Abuse And Deciding To Confront Your Abuser

Everyone has an inner child but not everyone associates childhood with fun and playfulness. If you experienced sexual abuse as a child, your inner child might seem small, vulnerable, and in need of protection. You may have buried the pain of your abuse through avoidance or allowed it to surface through anger. You may have done this to protect yourself — both your present self and the child you once were. Hiding pain doesn’t heal it. Instead, it often surfaces in your adult life, showing up as issues in personal relationships or difficulty meeting your own needs. Working to heal your inner child can help you address some of these issues. Healing your inner child can take time, patience and a willingness to go back to the traumatic event. In this episode, we provide five tips that can help you connect with your inner child to start your healing journey! Disclaimer: Please keep in mind what we say in this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute or take the place of advice from your doctor or therapist. If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual abuse, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

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