Happy Holidays from The Modern Moron recorded this day, the 25th of November, 2022.  It’s Black Friday and there’s no place I would rather NOT be than a mall, A Walmart, a Best Buy or an Amazon.  Also, I literally got back from the grocery  store and I thought I was going to have to take out a Home Equity Loan.  I just paid over $5 for a dozen eggs.  What the ever-loving- @##$%?  At what point is it going to  be …. That’ll b e a dollar…. Another dollar…. Okay, two for one.  Thanks Grandpa Joe… for all the inflation.  It’s your fault.  Your fault there’s global inflation.  Whatever country your in, it’s that political leader’s fault that there is global inflation.  If you live in Canada, Thanks Trudeau.  If you live in China, thanks JinPing.  Great Britain’s revolving door… thanks Sunak.  Or can we still blame Boris Johnson?  Thanks Bo-jo.  Or let's lay that on Liz Truss!  She was only there 50 days, it’s all her fault.  Thanks Liz.   But let’s stay in Great Britain, because… My guest is the Senator’s daughter who has been on this show multiple times, this time from Edinburgh, Scotland!  She is attending the University of Edinburgh getting her Master’s degree in Art History.  We talk about:   How wonderful and nice the people of Scotland are, dispelling the U.S. notion that everyone there is groundskeeper Willie from the Simpsons.   The Art History Masters degree she is achieving specifically is in accessibility, and as I said in the previous episode, we’re not talking ramps and wider doorways, but accessibility in a broader sense.  Is it accessible to all social classes, ethnicities and cultures and are they all represented in art museums?  We talk about those little plaques next to the artwork that I almost never read.  Are they accessible to all?  I bring up something used in internet web content design and development called the Hemingway app.  Hemingway’s style of writing, as  you may already know, is very concise and direct.  There’s not a lot of flowery language in it which allowed him to get to the point more quickly.  It’s very efficient.  And now… there’s an app for that.  And it’s called hemingwayapp.com .  It’s free.  You go there, paste in your composition, or write in the page and the app will analyze your writing as you go.  It will highlight areas where your sentences and paragraphs can be made more simple. We talk about her roommates in her flat… there’s 5 of em!  She brings up the term “Cultural Capitol” which is a theory created by this french guy Pierre Bordieu who was a French sociologist and public intellectual.  Seriously?  There’s an occupation called Public Intellectual?  What’s the annual salary of a Public Intellectual.  I’m a private intellectual.  I’m the most intellectual person in my bathroom at any given time.  Back to Cultural Capital.  I’m going to read you a few sentences about Cultural capital and

Ep. 119 Art History in Edinburgh Scotland, Cultural Capital, What's in Your Cultural Wallet?

Welcome to NPR’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me!  I’m Bill Curtis… Today’s episode titled “Wait Wait Don't’ Tell me it’s not Wait Wait Don’t Tell but actually The Modern Moron…”  I’m still Bill Curtis and here’s your host of the Modern Moron… who is neither straight form a Hemingway Novel nor from the Sea… please welcome, The Old Man… Thank you Bill Curtis for that lovely introduction of The Modern Moron and The Old Man dot Show.  I know what you’re asking yourself right now and the answer is yes, you can now find The Modern Moron on NPR by simply going to NPR dot ORG in your browser and then typing “The Modern Moron dot COM” into that same browser. This is part 2 of my conversation with my LA friend Larry Dorf.  Larry is my personal version of an Albert Brooks type and I tell him so.  I have a couple of those in my life and Larry is one of them.  He’s a little… how do I say this… particular?  A little particular about how certain things are.  And somehow, to me, it’s endearing and entertaining.  I love it.  Maybe it’s the Goldylocks syndrome In the beginning of our conversation and a little bit into it, Larry… who I may earn the nickname “Goldylocks” for this show, has a little trouble getting comfortable as we chat about his son and dealing with his comic antics in the classroom.   We talk post pandemic virtual connecting via zoom and MicroSoft Teams if you’re at work perhaps, and the requirements for an actor auditioning for roles and how that has changed drastically.  Whereas before, if you had an audition, they would send you the part of the script they wanted you to read, commonly called “the sides”, you would memorize the lines, go into the studio or casting office and read with the casting agent, where they would record you on camera and submit that to the producers, the director and the show runner.  But now, you’re expected to be able to record yourself, at home and submit electronically.  This means you need to find someone to read the other parts, off camera, while you’re recording yourself.  The upside is that you can do as many takes as you want and send in the best take, but you also don’t have the opportunity to take direction from the casting director if they see something and would like to give you some direction. So Larry tells me about the challenges of auditioning post pandemic, and he drops a line that starts out as something that could be a great quote that you might hear from a great author or philosopher, and to me, it’s one of those gems I can only get from my friend Larry.  But as I’m giving him a bad  time about it, I mention the great author of Moby Dick, James Melville.  Only there is no James Melville… it’s Herman Mellville.  So in the moment that I am criticizing someone in their lack of eloquence, I boldly show what an idiot I am by calling Herman Melville, James Melville. And you know what?  I could have edited it out… I’m

Ep. 118 Larry Dorf Pt. 2 - Parenting a junior comedian, Auditioning post pandemic, HBO’s Winning Time, Unattractive NBA Players and Poor Batgirl 

Welcome to another episode of The Modern Moron… my guest is producer, writer, actor Larry Dorf, yes, that Larry Dorf.  We have a very light early fall chat about a few subjects, namely:  We talk a little about some of the Modern Moron’s more successful shows, one being on Phil Hendrie and his mastery of deception with his characters improvising with each other and his work on various animation projects from King of the Hill to Rick and Morty.   I refer to a story Larry told about an audition he had where he was being asked to play NBA legend Larry Bird’s father, a story I will get to next time.  I’m sort of giving you this conversation backwards and here’s why. Larry Brings up Adnan Syed, who has been released from prison after doing 20 years for a murder he did not commit.  His story was made famous by a podcast called “Serial” which was developed by “This American Life” that you know from NPR.  The podcast “Serial” is owned however, by The New York Times. You already know I’m a moron, so you won’t be surprised to find that I am way late to the party on damn near everything and such is the case with the show “Only Murders In The Building”, which is a show about a podcast about a murder.  It’s on Hulu and is into production of it’s 4th season and I’m told that the show was based on the real podcast “Serial”.  I didn’t realize how much… you hear that?  That’s the theme music of the podcast “Serial” about Adnan Syed… And this… is the theme song to the Hulu series, “Only Murders in the Building”... Jezz, they could have at leas changed the key it’s played in right? This brings up a subject I’ve been wanting to get to for some time and it’s the concept of the Morally Dubious Podcaster.  It probably has other names, but i found an article with that phrase and I thought, “Morally Dubious?  Modern Moron”  They’re synonymous. I read an article, have an unqualified opinion about it, say it into a microphone, bam; Morally dubious podcaster.  Only I’m not a celebrity and I don’t have guests who are celebrities so, there’s only the two of you listening and it works out about the same, just on a much, much smaller scale.  Plus I’m not pretending to try and crack a cold case or find a murderer.   So, Larry explains to me the case of Adnon Syed, and I’m oblivious as you can hear… like a typical old man, I can’t seem to get the story straight…  Then Larry turns this into a potential gameshow along the lines of, “How much prison time would you do for a million dollars?”   This is what Hollywood people do for a living. We join our conversation basking in the glory of the first episode Larry did with us called “The Mystery of Mike Tyson” referring to the Adult Swim Animated series “Mike Tyson Mysteries” which is still our most downloaded episode.  Until this one…  CLOSE - And that, friends, is how a game show is created…  in South Korea.  Isn

Ep. 117 Larry Dorf: Adnan Syed, Morally Dubious Podcasters, a Prison Sentence Game Show and 2 Documentaries

Welcome to another episode of the Modern Moron dated October 10th 2022, which means we’ll be talking about events from at least two months ago. I’m going to try something new in that I’m not spending so much time on this episode.  My guest is the Senator which is like Conan O’brien saying his guest is Andy Richter, but he brings up a couple of things with no real background or insight or explanation.  He just saw a show for 30 seconds which is more than enough to have an opinion about, whereas I take the due diligence of watching for at least 5 minutes.  We recorded on Friday and I’m publishing on Monday. Here are a few things we cover: Gas Prices - Especially in California where there are stricter environmental laws and also, summer and winter blends.  The Winter blend usually isn’t available until November but apparently there will be an early harvest of the gasoline trees out here and they will start in early to mid October. California Gov. Gavin Newsom approved the switch from summer-blend gas to cheaper winter-blend gas. He wrote a letter to the California Air resources Board requesting the switch and here is a quote:  “In light of the dramatic increase in gas prices that California is experiencing, we should not wait until the end of the month to start distributing or to ramp up production of our winter-blend gasoline.  Also, please keep producing the special higher octane fuel I need for my batmobile.  Thank  you.” That is from a letter from Newsom to the California Air Resources Board. Something else to note about gas prices in California is that we have to refine our own gas due to those restrictions.  There are no pipelines running from East to West at least not west of the Rocky mountains to my extensive, extensive  knowledge. Governor De Santis sending immigrants to Martha’s Vinyard - yes, this story is extremely old but the topic isn’t and I don’t really have a problem with it.  I still don’t care for De Santis and using unfortunate people who are looking for a better life to make a point is not okay, but I don’t see why all of the lower 48 states can’t participate in sharing the load of the influx of immigrants at our border. Boston is a sanctuary city that is two thousand miles away from the Mexican border.  After a quick and uniformed check of the immigration statistics for Boston from The Immigrant Learning Center dot-org, the top ten immigrant groups are: China, The Dominican Republic, India, Haiti, Brazil, El Salvador, Vietnam, Canada, Guatemala and Cape Verde which is a group of islands in the Atlantic. The Senator mentions that he enjoys Skinny dipping in his pool - ew.  For some reason he reminds us numerous times that he has a “second home” up in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.  Remember when Pee Wee’s Playhouse used to have a secret word and when someone said it, everyone would scream?  Today’s word is a phrase and  it’s “second home” Flavored Bourbon.  Both the type

Ep. 116 Gas Prices, Immigrant Deliveries, Flavored Bourbon, Kanye West, Tucker Carlson and Sonny Barger

A lot more God talk in this one people, which you may or may not be into.  A lot of Philosophical and theological perspectives on God, with a capital G.  We continue our conversation with a very interesting Seminarian who has been studying not only theology but philosophy as well so he use big words, make brain thing hurtey.  This recording dates back to August of 2022 and I’m just now getting to it… my friend the Seminarian was in a summer program of Chaplaincy at the hospital where I do some volunteer work, we’ve had some interesting conversations and I finally connected with him to be on this show.   We start out with a simple question, that being: If God is all loving, how can there be so much hatred among us?  If you are looking for an answer to that question, you’ll need to visit another podcast, but inevitably, the answer to all questions can be found in a podcast. A few glossary items referred to in this episode:  The Eternal Now - It feels to me like I’m hearing more and more about this referred to as Mindfulness and mindfulness meditations, but to a Catholic Seminarian it is much more.  It is his desire to be as present to God as he is present to us.  This also sent me down a crazy rabbit hole that led me to a site called “faithhub.net”.  Faithhub!  Doesn’t that sound tasty?  Like GrubHub only they deliver faith!  Right to your door!  There is a post titled, “God’s Eternal Now” it reads, “God, is present, here, and NOW. In each moment.  It is our greatest desire to be present to God as he is present to us.  It is we who are often missing from the moment and, therefore, are often out of touch with God.”  Even if you take God out of the equation, and please do if you have a negative association with that word for now.  Take God out of the equation, and most reasonable and thoughtful people would see the value of being in the moment and that, regardless of faith, we spend way too much time regretting or reliving the past and fretting about the future.  I know I do and there really isn’t much value to it.  Other than the satisfaction I get out of having a winning drop the mic argument with a fictitious person I’ve never met in a situation that will never occur. Back to the article on Faithhub… and get ready for a rabbit hole because it led me to a previous rabbit hole, that being author C.S Lewis.  Remember I told you I thought he wrote Alice in Wonderland but it was actually Lewis Carroll?  Well, this time it IS C.S. Lewis I am interested in.  Lewis was an author of novels filled with Christian metaphor and before he wrote the Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, he wrote a novel called “The Screwtape Letters” which was dedicated to his friend J.R.R. Tolkien.  “The Screwtape Letters” was published as a list of letters from a senior demon or devil, named Screwtape, to a lower level Devil, named Wormwood… sounds like JK Rowling snatched and changed a couple of names there doesn’t

Ep. 115 The Priest’s Triple A League: Getting ready for the Majors Pt. 2

Okay, the Moron doesn’t seem so moronic in this episode… well, I do, but we really have some divine inspirations in this episode.  My guest is a real live Seminarian in the Catholic Church.  Yes, THE Catholic church, not one of the knock offs.  He’s been pursuing his coronation… that’s not right… ordination!  That’s what I was looking for…  This conversation is all over the place, and I have to take responsibility for that.  If I get him back I really need to try and keep my questions more focused.  And because we are so all over the place, this guy drops some people and terms this Moron had to look up, especially if you’re not Catholic or are a heathen moron like myself.  Among them:  Exegesis - not exit, Jesus - this is e-x-e-g-e-s-i-s and it’s a critical explanation or interpretation of a text. Traditionally, for work with religious texts, especially the Bible St. Ignatius of Loyola - who was a Spanish Catholic Priest and theologian that was one of the founders of the Society of Jesus otherwise known as… the Jesuits.  We might have to do a separate episode on those guys. A St. Paul Moment - which is explained in the episode, but it’s basically an epiphany or a “moment of awakening”... I don’t like to gossip but apparently he heard the voice of Jesus and was immediately blinded for three days until a guy named a-nan-ias restored his sight and he was baptized. The 14 Discernments of Spirits - no it’s not a way to make bourbon, it is the path to living a holy life.  is the interpretation of what St. Ignatius of Loyola called the “motions of the soul.” These interior movements consist of thoughts, imaginings, emotions, inclinations, desires, feelings, repulsions, and attractions, what the Buddha might call cravings and aversions.  Spiritual discernment of spirits involves becoming sensitive to these movements, reflecting on them, and understanding where they come from and where they lead us.  Yes, I plagiarized this from a site called IgnatianSpirituality.com and there is a link at the bottom of the episode description.  Towards the beginning of our conversation there is the mention of a code blue.  A code blue at a hospital Usually means cardiac arrest (when the heart stops) or respiratory arrest (when breathing stops).  You may say, what the hell is a chaplain doing anywhere near a patient experiencing cardiac arrest?  Usually they are on the sidelines, staying out of the way.  However if family members are present, we will get with them and suggest they stay out of the way and perhaps go to a more quiet area while the team does there work.  It can be very traumatizing to watch a loved one receive treatment for cardiac arrest and while we can’t make a family member leave, it’s usually best to just get out of the way and let them do what they were trained to do. Our guest entered the seminary straight out of high school and mentions leaving the Central Valley, that would be the Central Vall

Ep. 114 Father-to-be as in Priest, Nietzsche, Jedi Knights and Egoism

Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Modern Moron… I did say I have an episode coming with a seminarian in the Catholic church, and I do.  This episode is the last half of my previous conversation with the Senator when I dropped out of it because I felt the need to address some science issues that we seem to be ignoring right now that place the economy as more important that the planet we live on and the resources that are becoming more rapidly scarce, namely water and oxygen.   This conversation contains the beautiful faux paux from the Senator when he cannot remember the name of Brittney Griner, the WNBA player who is currently sentenced to 9 years in a  Russian prison for possession of  vaporizer cartridges containing less than a gram of hash oil.  She had been prescribed medicinal cannabis in Arizona, and it is illegal in Russia. The Senator’s take is that if you’re going to travel, know the rules.  Also, he’s never heard of Brittney Griner and who cares about her and we shouldn’t be trading a no name for an apparently notorious arms dealer.   That’s a valid point I think. But to say Brittney Griner is a no name just because I’ve never heard of her doesn’t make her a no name.  Between Brittney Griner and me, I think I qualify as the no name.  But i think it does speak to the subculture we live in, and there are many.  What is your subculture?  Do you even think about it?  Or do we think of it as a mainstream culture?  My subculture is that I’m an aging white male… hell that’s not a subculture!  That’s as mainstream culture as you can get!  But I also live in a subculture of music as I was in the music entertainment business as a “DJ” for a stretch of time, so names that are familiar to me may not be familiar to you unless we share that subculture.  And if you’re in it, you don’t think of it as a subculture.  If I say I’m a big fan of John Paul Jones, you may think I’m a history buff.  But I’m referring to the legendary bassist… and keyboardist… of Led Zeppelin.  And I consider him, Jack Bruce, Getty Lee to have transcended the traditional roles of their instruments.  What instrument?  A scalpel?  Are they famous surgeons?  Let’s throw in Paul McCartney.  Okay, there’s a point of reference we can all sink our teeth into. So Brittney Griner is not a household name, depending on the subcultures we subscribe to.  And I would say if you are in the huge College Sports Industry, even on an administrative level, you know who Britney Griner is.  I don’t, but she is legendary in her profession.  Unfortunately, her profession doesn’t put as many asses in the seats as it would if she were male, where she would command a higher… salary.  Back to money again. I could go on and on about her accomplishments on the court.  She’s a phenomenal women’s basketball player.  But what I think makes her such a high value trade for the Russians is that she checks a lot

Ep. 113  Britney Griner; Psychiatric Psychedelics; to what Subculture do you subscribe?

Half cocked, half informed, full moron. Seriously, the things we talk about and the half-cocked opinions we spout are really so misinformed that I would like to ask you a favor.  My favor is that you half listen but don’t really pay attention.  Is that possible?  Listen for one of us to mispronounce something or to say something completely off base but I don’t want you to really pay attention.  If you could… picture us both sitting on a front porch in a couple of rocking chairs.  That’s the best setting for this conversation.  Can you do that?   This is also not the cheeriest episode.  We try to stay away from politics and that lasts for about… 10 seconds?  I’ve cut some stuff from this episode but left in other stuff for entertainment purposes.  For example: We talk about the huge bill that Senator Joe Manchin helped pass but the Senator  mispronounces his name.  I’m not going to tell you what our Senator thinks his name is but I know it’s wrong and then I get it wrong.  So much moron in this episode folks. Next up, Nancy Pelosi goes to Taiwan, which the Senator is in favor of and I am not.  However the Senator’s take is that China should not have any say in where any of our citizens travel and Taiwan does not belong to China.  That part I agree with.  I just don’t understand the trip specifically for her as the Speaker of the House.  Was she sent over there on a diplomatic mission?  Or is she just over there on a personal publicity trip.  If it’s the latter, I am against it.  This does not seem like the job of the Speaker of the House.  Maybe, however… “unofficially” she was sent there as a representative of the US to thumb our noses at China.  And if that is the reason, okay… I guess.  This is just a pissing contest.  While Pelosi was there the Chinese military conducted “live ammunition” drills and invading airspace, blah, blah, blah look how big my wiener is exercises close to Taiwan. However there is a tiny upside to this… the last time this high a ranking official visited Taiwan was in 1997 when then House Speaker Newt Gingrich visited.  The Senator is incapable of saying Gingrich’s name… Then the conversation takes an unexpected turn and it gets rather sad.  The Senator wants the President to do something about the economy and says “we have enough oil to last us another 300 years.”  And I’m taken aback..  I don’t quite know what to say.  I think you can hear the confusion in my voice.  Has he been paying attention to what’s been happening to this planet?  Am I just another tree hugger?   The Senator thinks we should be drilling for more oil to fix the economy.  Seriously.  And he’s not alone… We’ve got weather systems creating temperatures that are breaking records set by previous years, and I don’t mean decades ago or centuries ago, I mean last year.  Personally, I don’t think electric cars are a long term solution either.  Does anyone know

Ep. 112 Politics just makes me upset but that never stops me; The End of An Informed Democracy

Welcome to another episode of TMM…where you can also find us at “The Old Man-dot-show”... try it!  Also,  happy post 4th of July.  I have WAY too many tabs open in my browser most of the time.  It’s as cluttered and messy as the rest of my house.  I leave these tabs open because I think they contain something I want ot share with you, which is another way of saying something I want to complain, rant or brag about.   I have a few items I’d like to complain about before hopefully getting to something hopeful. Item #1: Forth of July Message from California’s Governor Gavin Newsome 4th of July message: In it he starts off by saying let’s talk… translation: let me talk… about what’s going on in America… translation: let me bag on Florida Governor Ron…ald McDonald Desantis.  Governor Newsome, don’t start off saying you want to talk about America and then attack another Governor, the images contained Desantis and the graphics were about Desantis.  It’s this kind of rhetoric that actually contributes to the divisiveness in our country and it is not taking the high road.  Mean what you say and say what you mean.  In other words, if you tell your citizens to wear masks, YOU wear a mask.  Even in Napa Valley. Don’t get me wrong,  I am not defending Wrong Desantis.  I am NOT a fan of that egomaniac.  However… of the numerous laws Desantis has signed, the “Parental Rights in Education law, which prohibits discussion of sexual orientation or gender identity in kindergarten through third grade classrooms.”  This is going to sound like I’m a crazy conservative, but is that all that bad?  Kindergarten through 3rd grade.  Four and five year olds to what… eight years old?  There shouldn’t be ANY sexual education talk of ANY kind in those grades, should there?  What a great bargaining chip to use to look for compromise.  And if there’s a kid having sexual identity issues in those grades, can’t we deal with it on a case by case basis with some compassion?  Do we need a law for that.  My recollection of grade school was a one night presentation with fathers and sons in attendance in the auditorium.  That was it.  My biggest takeaway from that was on the ride home I was able to get away with saying the F-word in front of my dad.  And I said it with a little pause before adding the “i-n-g” so it seemed like I didn’t even now how to pronounce it.  And my dad said, “yes, yes.  This is fucking.”  Man, I felt so victorious that night.  I’d pulled a major coupe.   Back to Gavin Gruesome… at the end of his message talking about America… if America was Flrorida, he invites Floridians to join us here in California.  Hey Gavin, we’ve got 39 million people in this state plus a housing crisis.  And you want more people to come to California?  Seriously?  We’re driving wealthy residents out of the state and you want to bring disenfranchised poor Floridians to California?  You thin

Ep. 111 Walruses Politicians Integrity Eggmen and gun insurance

My guest has been on the show once before along with the senator and we refer to him as Templeton, as in form Charlotte’s Web. We’ve been besties since high school where we were both relatively scrawny, neither of us was on any sports teams but we hung out with a couple of the jocks.  We took a bunch of the same college classes together and always talked about our own business partnership firm being called “Wrong and Wronger” and then fill in the blank after that… wrong and wronger accounting firm, wrong and wronger legal consultants, wrong and wronger construction company, you get the idea… whatever we did we would kinda screw it up. His idol back in high school was Woody Allen.  Not the pervert Woody Allen, but the Woody Allen that brought us Annie Hall, Play It Again Sam, Manhattan, Sleeper, Bananas, Take The Money and Run.  Unfortunately today we can’t separate Woody Allen from his sickness, but his work in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s alone was incredible and that… for very understandable reasons is why Woody was my friend’s idol.  Here Woody in an interview from 1971…  But what Templeton was always good at, and still is, he’s good at recruiting people into some kind of scheme, like in our 20’s we played a LOT of softball.  He would recruit a couple of ringers and then get us into a D-league where he would say, “guaranteed sweatshirt”, like that was something to covet… a D-league softball champions sweatshirt.  So he’s always been known to have some sort of scheme going, an angle or something (bite) We’ve been roommates, At parties and night clubs we were always, always the wallflowers, and I got to be best man at his wedding.  His wife has been a teacher for over thirty years in the public school system… no easy feat.  She retired on Friday of last week and we talk about what it takes to be teacher, how highly our society values teachers… at least we say we do, it just isn’t reflected in their paychecks. We also talk about our equally… well almost equal ineptitude at being handy around the house.  Usually he has the good sense to not even try whereas my ego sends me to Lowe’s three times in one day and half a day just to complete a task that a normal human would complete in an hour.  This time, however, Templeton has me beat and he shares his misfortune. One of the main things Templeton is absolutely beloved for is in the way he butchers the english language.  I have several friends that do that including the senator…. But Templeton does it in a magical way that kept him with his business partner for over 30 years.  I don’t think he quite demonstrates it fully in this conversation, and if he does I don’t call him out on it, but his usual response is, “You know what I meant”. As we start our conversation he is somehow under the impression that we are not recording yet and that at some point we are going to “go live”.  I don’t think any podcast is live, otherwise it wou

Ep. 110 Retirement, College and A Retiring School Teacher’s Husband Brags.  Also: How Many Morons Does it Take To Change a Light Bulb?

Welcome to another episode of TMM… In this episode we finish my chat with my friend and comedian Christine Lederman, but as usual I want to cover a couple of things first. One is from an article in the Wall Street Journal from Sunday June 12th.  I have to recommend the Wall Street Journal.  You should at least get the online version plus the Sunday/weekend edition and here’s why: 1) it’s a very credible conservative news source, so if you’re a conservative I don’t need to convince you.  If you’re a liberal and your bias against this paper then you’re being exactly what you complain about.  People need to be more open minded and accepting of others lifestyles and opinions.  I agree.  Start by reading something that may take you outside your comfort zone.  2)  Senior Moron discount!  I’m currently getting the digital version of the Journal app plus I get the paper on Sunday morning which is very nice to nostalgically read an actual newspaper and since it’s the Wall Street Journal it leads me to 3)  I feel like a grown up reading the paper on Sunday morning. Back to the article - this is moron curmudgeon stuff too… the title is: “The Age of Emotional Overstatement - From social media to job applications, the pressure to declare our feelings in public is turning us into gushing adolescents.”  If you remember the beginning of last episode, Christine mentioned how hard it is to get kids to hire and actually show up for work because they are in constant need of mental health days.  In a sense we parents are responsible for that mentality.  When they were kids playing soccer or whatever sport, everyone had to get a trophy… and every kid had to have a speech made about what a gift they were to the team and with 95% of the kids, they forgot the goddamn plastic trophy when we left the pizza place.  Seriously.  It’s ridiculous and with all the value that team sports provides, we ruin it by giving everyone a trophy.  Please knock that shit off with our grandchildren.  That’s not how life works. Back to the article, she recounts a birthday wish from one of her fellow 21st century parents that posted on social media… “Happy 17th Birthday, Miles!” reads the typical parent-to-offspring entry. A previous generation might have stopped there, deeming the well-wishing sufficient acknowledgment of the day. But today’s parent has only just begun her tribute to the sunshine golden star-child who grew into the brilliant, gorgeous, side-splittingly funny, preternaturally gifted athlete (‘Go, Big Blue!’), not to mention the kindest person upon this earth as well as the head of the yearbook committee, who is loved “to the moon and infinity and back and to infinity again and to whatever lies beyond infinity…”  We can’t just say happy birthday anymore, it’s got to be this ridiculously syrupy emotional outpouring and it  has GOT to be made public so everyone can see how grateful I am.  This Sunday’s Jour

Ep. 109 Investments, Flings, Home Improvement is boring, Movie Candy and Standup Comedy

Welcome to another episode of the MM… this was supposed to be an easy-peazy light episode with my friend and stand up comedian Christine Lederman.  Until… I decided to include something that I felt looked at both sides of the 2nd amendment-slash-gun violence issue that,  along with some other issues, you can throw on the pile of burning tires that divides this country right now.  And it has taken me a week to calm down enough to try again.  I do this tiny podcast for the half dozen or so of us because I have fun doing it, I find some interesting people and stuff and I really am at a crossroads of being a complete shut-in that does not want to engage at all with our civilization as it has  become and another part of me that wants to be able to stay connected in some way.  So  to do that I have to read, watch and listen to the news with a sense of curiosity rather than with an opinion.  I’m really trying to get rid of my opinions that have collected like in a garage that can’t fit a car inside it anymore.  You ever see garages like that?  Maybe you have one. So the guns issue.  Selfishly, i think the thing that pisses me off is that I can’t use this anymore… I love the ol’ machine gun sound effect as a symbol of over reacting to trivial matters.  If I owned an assault rifle, I would probably be sharing with you how I went off on my dishwasher, or my weed eater or my garage door opener… some inanimate item that is the object of my wrath.  But I can’t do that anymore because of the right to bear arms… the 2nd amendment written in 1791.  Couple of things to note about 1791:  The population density of the entire country or colonies was the same as the city of Los Angeles or the State of Connecticut.  Many folks needed guns to acquire protein. The most common guns were muskets and flintlock pistols The most skilled hunters and marksmen could load from the muzzle of the weapon, fire, reload and fire again about every 20 seconds, maybe 15 seconds… so three to four rounds per minute. Those firearms were highly inaccurate.  They didn’t use bullets shaped for aerodynamics that would rotate to keep their aim true.  They were musket balls, which does not refer to the genitalia of a male muskrat.  I said musKET balls.  They did not fly true at all.  I feel like there is a silent majority of conservatives, I know there is because I talk to them.  Maybe they voted for Trump, but were embarrassed to say so, because… you should be embarrassed of him and his lack of integrity.  Most of these silent majority wish he would just go away.  They also believe in the right for a woman to  choose but don’t want to speak up because it goes against their faith tradition.  Most of the republican or conservatives I know maintain their political viewpoint for fiscal reasons and fiscal policy.  “Run your government like you run a household.  Don’t spend more than you have and if you borrow money, have a plan to pay it back

Ep. 108 Gun Laws, Christine Lederman, Tarot Cards and Unemployment (Not in That Order)

Open - So I have begun to  volunteer at a local Hospital which is also a trauma center.  What separates a  trauma center from a regular hospital?  I look at it the same way you might look at the difference between a four star and a five star hotel.  A five star hotel needs two dining rooms, one formal, and I believe 24 hour room service and concierge service… probably some other stuff. According to https://hospitalmedicaldirector.com/ which is a blog about hospital medical directors:  A level 1 trauma center must have a trauma/general surgeon in the hospital 24-hours a day, along with an anesthesiologist and a full O-R staff available in the hospital 24-hours a day as well as a critical care physician 24-hours a day.   There must also be immediate availability of an orthopedic surgeon, neurosurgeon, radiologist, plastic surgeon, and oral/maxillofacial surgeon. There must be &gt; 1,200 trauma admissions per year.  There are also requirements for the number of hours these surgeons and physicians must have each year.     Finally, These centers must participate in research and have at least 20 publications per year. The main difference between a 1 one and a level 2 trauma center is primarily the lack of research and publication requirements. So, I have just barely started volunteering in one of California’s 17 Level I trauma centers.  So far, I go on only one day a week and I shadow one of the current 6 or so resident chaplains.  There are some chaplains that are stationed on a particular floor as well, along with another set of chaplains that deal with palliative care, but that’s another kettle of fish altogether.  Is it inappropriate to refer to palliative care as a “kettle of fish”?  I hope not, but you know there are always going to be people who are offended by something so… insert expletive.  You may be thinking at this point… “what?  Why?  Why would a moron want to do something like this?”  Great question.  I have no idea.  Actually I do… The thick of the pandemic.  Lost a patient from Covid Case Investigation work.  Not just a case number. I had to write an essay.  So, knowing that i am NOT a religious person, how do I write an essay about being a chaplain, with no religious foundation? What is my faith tradition?  Spiritual tradition:   Catholic High school.  1 year at Catholic College. Studied Buddhism and attended service regularly in Los Angeles (Shin Buddhist) I definitely drank the kool-aid of Improvisational theater.  Don’t underestimate this.  In fact, it probably gave me the most valuable tool in doing some of this work so far.  CLOSE - In conclusion… I hope to be able to provide some insight, some reflections of my experiences and who knows maybe even a guest or two!  I don’t know how long I will be permitted to be a volunteer before they find out I’m a moron and a heathen, but so far it’s been a very positive experience. Coming up in future Modern Moron episodes, I will b

Ep. 107 Moron Chaplaincy

OPEN - Welcome to another episode of the Modern Moron and another very… long… intro.  We all could use a little respite from Russia’s violent invasion of Ukraine, not as much as the people of Ukraine could use it, but you get the idea.  So why not turn to the entertainment industry?  How about the Oscars?  Let's watch Hollywood celebrate itself.  Of course you know where I’m going with this and that is the incident where Will Smith walked on stage and slapped comedian Chris Rock after Rock made a joke about Smith’s wife Jada and her shaved head.  He made a G.I. Jane  joke, which wasn’t particularly good, it was made off the cuff, not in the rehearsed segment.  After slapping Rock, Will Smith yelled twice in a very full and articulate voice to, “Keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth”.  It was at that point that everyone went beyond shock and dismay that it might be a rehearsed stunt, because you shouldn’t use the “F” word on live television… twice. So now we’re all Monday Morning quarterbacking this whole thing.  Lucky for you I have all the answers because I am an omnipotent being who is all knowing.  My take on it is similar to the take Jimmy Kimmel had and the take is this: Chris Rock made the G.I. Jane joke about Jada Pinkett’s shaved head.  The camera cuts to the two of them and Will Smith appears to be chuckling and rolling with it.  His wife, however, is not.  The camera cuts back to Chris Rock and we can only ASSume, and you know I love to assume, that Will looked over at his  wife and his chuckle quickly disappeared.  I’m willing to bet it was a look like, “If you don't’ want to sleep on the couch for an indeterminate amount of time, you better do something.”  Or maybe he just saw that her feelings were hurt.  In any case, the rest is history and and it was ugly on so many levels. So, on a night that should have been a celebration of his great achievement in his industry, instead he’s stuck in a very, very bad situation.   Chris Rock has made no statement but ticket sales to his standup performances have skyrocketed.  And there’s one other person we have not heard from and that is the person who was on the butt end of the Chris Rock joke and that is Jada Pinkett Smith.  She has only posted a cryptic message on Instagram stating, “This is a season for healing and I’m here for it.” I’d like to say this is not a season for cryptic messages.  This is not a season to keep quiet, when you had some hand in this whole occurrence.  No, you’re not responsible for your husband’s foolish action, but you are responsible for your reaction.  While you didn’t like the comment, who would, it was your look of disapproval or disgust at your husband… who you’ve been married to for 24 years in what you have indicated was an open marriage, had to know what you were communicating to your husband in that moment.  Or even put that aside, you still have an opportunity to alle

Ep. 106  Larry Dorf Pt. 2 The Woman In The Window, The Oscars, Will Smith, Chris Rock and Kareem Abdul Jabbar

INTRO - Welcome to another episode of the Modern Moron.  I’m pretty excited about my guest for a number of reasons, number one being that I find Larry Dorf to be an extremely entertaining person that I’ve known more than 20 years.  Did you hear that Larry?  That’s a long time.  He’s a funny guy and I’m not completely sure that most of the time he’s not really trying to be funny. A second reason, probably the main reason, is that Larry is one of the creators, writers and producers of the Netflix hit, “The Woman in The House Across The Street From The Girl In The Window”.  I feel pretty sure you’ve at least heard of it and I’m going to insist that you watch it.  It’s a great title and a really, really bad hashtag. “The Woman in The House Across The Street From The Girl In The Window” is a parody… a satire of the suspense thriller novel genre like, “The Woman in The Window”, “The Woman in Cabin 10”, “The Other Woman” and on and on. We talk about the fine line of walking between making fun of the genre and dropping in jokes and still honor the genre of a suspense thriller.  For example, this series is not like the movie Airplane with gag after gag.  In an interesting way, a suspense thriller or even a horror movie is not unlike comedy.  You have to have a setup where you get the audience to think you’re going in one direction and then the surprising reveal is the punchline of a joke or the scare of a thriller.  How do you honor both? I found it to be a very interesting conversation and I hope you do too.   Finally, Larry was on this podcast once before, our most listened to episode by the way… and I tell him this fact.  It was when he and his partners were writing and producing “Mike Tyson Mysteries” for Adult Swim’s Cartoon Network.   On that episode Larry claimed to “break the news” that the show was not being picked up after it’s 4th season.  We recorded that episode at the end of May, 2020 and that information came out in January, so this wasn’t exactly a cutting edge news exclusive, at least we didn’t think so.  However, apparently it had not been officially announced and somehow, there were a few nerdy news websites that actually sited this podcast, yes, THIS podcast to announce it’s cancellation, thereby explaining the mystery of why that episode had more downloads than any of our other episodes. I don’t believe him at first, so Larry proves this to me by sending me a link from his phone to a site called  screenrant.com that sites The Modern Moron as it’s news source.  How ridiculous is that?  This podcast is a news source? Please… I’m just a journalist trying to be true to my craft. But the reason I bring this up is because of how pee in my pants giddy I become over this when I actually read it in disbelief.  You can almost hear my ego expanding…  So, yes we were sited in the publication screenrant.com but it also appeared in The U.S. Sun. Their about

Ep. 105  Larry Dorf, Netflix, The Woman in The House Across The Street From The Girl In The Window, Norm MacDonald, This Podcast IS A NEWS Source

Oh my god, I have so many elderly meandering things to ask you and tell you… so many things I don’t understand. A couple of items I found interesting in the past couple of weeks regarding some minor events we’ve experienced, mainly what I’m hearing is the first war in Europe since WWII.  A couple of things:  On the day Russia invaded Ukraine I heard a story on NPR, one of my main news sources along with the Associated Press, Reuters and The Wall Street Journal.  In this NPR story, which I could not find later, the reporter in Ukraine was asked how citizens were handling it on the first day.  She said “humor”.  She said the usual tensions of day to day life seemed to dissipated and that there were more Ukranians helping each other.  Particularly helping the elderly with their supplies… helping them carry groceries and assisting with finding bomb shelters and that there was a sense of quiet unity.  I found that sort of hopeful and very cool. Another NPR story which I did find the link to and so will you at the bottom of this description, is regarding US Military intelligence for Ukraine that was being delayed and therefore was not nearly as valuable, because of attorneys.  The interview is with  Republican Nebraska Senator Ben Sasse who is on the Senate Intelligence Committee.  Yes, it sounds like an oxymoron, but let’s leave that alone for now.   Also, while we’re on Ukraine can we talk about how to pronounce it’s capital, Kiev. I always thought it was Kiyev.  In fact I thought it was a different city, but then I found out it wasn’t so I thought it was like Niche.  Remember when the word niche was pronounced niTCH? But then I wasn’t fancy enough to have a nitch and I had to have a niche.  So I left my niTCH in Key-yev.  Actually there’s more to it.  Key-yev    But this episode is about my guest… my college senior and the value of learning to write, to convey a thought and support an argument or position.  Isn’t there a thing called a position paper?   My senior mentions writing in MLA.. MLA style refers the style recommended by the Modern Language Association (MLA) for preparing scholarly manuscripts and student research papers. It concerns itself with the mechanics of writing, such as punctuation, quotation, and, especially, documentation of sources.  The “Modern” Language Association was Founded in 1883.   How that makes it modern? I have no idea.  Maybe the same thing that makes this moron modern. Do you remember doing research papers and having to have a bibliography… and citing sources?  Remember ibid?  I remember using that a lot so I had to re-look it up and ibid is when you’re using the same source but a different section, so you just put ibid… I-B-I-D which is latin for in the same place —used to indicate that a reference is from the same source as a previous reference.  Which you probably already knew… and proceeded to forget, like me. We talk about studying art and a

Ep. 104 College Senior Pt. 2 Some Stuff on Ukraine Kiev is Keeve not Key-yev

Welcome to an… episode of the Modern Moron.  Wow.  Long, long time since we’ve done an episode.  A lot of water under the bridge, a lot of swabs up noses, needles in arms and a lot of masks being worn and NOT being worn.  So… why?  Why do an episode and why did we quit? Why I quit… seemed like it was getting stale, I was told it was getting stale, listening to the Senator and me bickering over the same old political issues and politicians mainly.  It seemed like I became more interested in my opinions than my curiosity.  And this podcast.  Podcast?  It’s more like a one way conference call, but with over 1 million podcasts, think about that… 1 million podcasts, I’m sitting down behind a microphone with my big fat ego and all of it’s opinions… and I don’t want that.  I don’t want to have opinions.  If anything I’d like to lose opinions.  My opinions are like the crap you stick in your garage or a storage unit.  It’s a bunch of worthless crap.  If it had any value, it wouldn’t be in a storage unit or collect dust in your garage.  That is what I think of my opinions and my ego keeps trying to sell me these worthless opinions as if they have value.  They don’t.  My goal is to evaporate my ego and lose all of my opinions.  This podcast doesn’t really do that.  So why this episode? I have a bit of a problem.  Not a huge problem but it’s something that is on my mind daily and it’s something I worry about as I’m sure you worry as well.  It’s our children.  I have a soon to be teenaged daughter that is soon to be going into high school.  She’s got some issues as all kids do and her grades are not currently “the best” and she doesn’t particularly like school.  Some kids like school and some don’t, mine doesn’t, at least not right now.  And like many kids this age, not all, mine doesn’t look to me as a source of wisdom.  In fact, based on the tone of her responses and the receptiveness to my advice, she thinks I’m an idiot, or rather a moron.  I have to bear some of the responsibility for that.  First off I put the word Moron in the name of this podcast and I am also known to use self deprecating humor from time to time so I have not done a lot to garner a ton of respect by my own hand.  Still, there are many parents who find themselves in the same boat. So, grades are not the best right now and her small group of friends seem to be getting better grades and after next year will be heading to the local private Catholic high school to which she now wants to attend.  However A) she may not have the grades to get into that school and B) the private catholic high school she wants to go to is even more expensive than the private shool we’re sending her to now and I’m not sure I want to pay that kind of money for a kid who doesn’t like school.  Again, I’m sure I’m not alone in this situation but I have chosen to talk to a sort-of expert.  An expert in high school and

Ep. 102 College Senior Moron Minor- You cant have too much perspective

Ep. 103 Ted Lasso the Christmas Episode, Old Men Fawning Over Younger Women is So Gross and The Fear of Getting Old Welcome to the Modern Moron where we take a brief break from the shitstorm that is our civilization and spend some time taling about the hugely popular Ted Lasso, some of the characters and it’s co-creator Jason Sudeikis.  Part of the show’s attraction is that despite the aforementioned shitstorm this planet seems to be currently embroiled in, Sudeikis and Ted Lasso seem bound and determined to find a bright spot, grab ahold of it and refuses to let go.  All in the midst of their endearing character’s challenges and flaws.   The show is so determined to give us the warm and fuzzies that they even released a Christmas special in August that had all the trimmings of the romantic comedy or rom-com … Love Actually. For the most part, I didn’t care for the Christmas episode.  I didn’t really care for Love Actually either for the same reason.  Too sugar coated for me.  I seem to remember being nauseated by Keira Knightley in particular.   However I may need to revisit the film, if for no other reason than for Bill Nighey’s washed up old rocker trying to make a comeback selling one of his revamped hits as a Christmas song.  THAT is my  kind of Christmas character.  I also love, love Alan Rickman who is in that film as well with Emma Thompson who is also fantastic.  Hmmm, I am talking about a film I don’t like, right?  Where were we? Ted Lasso!  The Christmas episode.  A number of homages to Love Actually in the episode and that’s why I didn’t like it.  Okay moving on… we then begin to talk about our favorite characters in the show.  First off, we can’t remember the name of Roy Kent, who is played by Brett Goldstein.  He’s probably my favorite character because, well he’s old - at least by professional soccer standards - and he’s angry.  What more could I ask for?  He also has a podcast, yuk, and I hear it’s very good.  It’s called “Films To Be Buried With With Brett Goldstein”.  He has a guest every episode and finds out about films that stand out at different points in their lives.  Hmm?  A focused podcast with a point.  What a concept.   Regarding Brett Goldstein, there are two articles in the bottom of the description from Vulture, which is sort of a website covering entertainment and is an off-shoot of New York Magazine.   Here is an excerpt from one of the articles where Brett talks about how he got the role of Roy Kent.  I REALLY want to try to read this as Roy Kent but my daughter thinks I do embarrassingly lousy impressions, which means I might do it anyway… Brett says: “So what happened was — and I still can’t believe it worked out, and I also can’t believe that I did it — basically, as we were writing it, I just started to think I could play Roy; I really get it. I really get this part. But I also knew it was not the sort of part I would usually play

Ep. 103 Ted Lasso the Christmas Episode, Old Men Fawning Over Younger Women is So Gross and The Fear of Getting Old

Welcome to a very full episode of the modern moron, a bit longer than usual.  We cover a lot of ground so I’m mostly going to just give you some bullet points… mostly, so you can either be prepared, be in on the joke, or decide to skip this episode entirely.  Sort of a spoiler alert without too much spoilage. Item #1 - The Senator peed his pants… again.  If you’re a guy and you’re listening, you’re probably right in this demographic, you’ve done it too and it’s just a sign to us all to stop wearing khakis. But this very quickly  segues in into... Item #2 - A sincere apology… from the senator.  Hmm, how do I set this up.  We were both in a high school alumni golf tournament a few weeks ago.  He and his high school buddies were in the foursome behind my foursome.  Through most of the round, say about ¾, the Senator was telling another guy in his foursome to yell certain things during my backswing.  Things that might “get to me” and you all know what a delicate flower I am.  Well, It’s one thing to do that from 2 or 3 hundred yards away, and another to do it from the same tee which is what he did himself toward the end.  He yelled from 15 yards away the name of a girl I was in love with in high school that ended in a very gasoline soaked fiery crash.  Should I have gotten over that by now?  Yes.  Is it still a complete dick move by the Senator?  Yes to that as well.  He came sauntering over right after saying it, and after I shanked the drive, as if I would have no problem with him yelling at me during my backswing, and I tee’d off on him, pun intended.  He had been trying to buzz kill my round of golf so I buzz killed everyone’s round by yelling an f-bomb ladended tirade in front of eight people and ruined their round, at least for that moment.  A couple of complete morons.  So that is what he apologizes for.  It was sincere and very out of character for the Senator.  Good for you Senator. Item #3 - Afghanistan.  We hit this topic a couple fo times actually and this section is about the refugees - Afghanistan or Mexico or Central America, what’s the difference?  Why do Afghani’s get sympathy, deservedly so, but our closer neighbors to the south get no love?  Or are they just the flavor of the week and it’s in vogue to give them refuge.  And how are we going to be viewing them in 5 or 10 years when they are still learning finding their place in our society? Item #4 - We are reminded that now California Senator Alex Padilla owes over $35M to California Tax payers from money he funneled to a firm that happened to be advising then presidential candidate Joe Biden.  We originally discussed this in February of this year on  Episode 89. Item #5 - The Senator refers to a certain Vice President as ‘The hooker from San Francisco’? Item #6 - Afghanistan again… This time it’s US Marine Corps Lt. Col. Stuart Scheller who was relieved of duty on August 27th.  This happened after posting a vide

Ep. 101 Peed my pants again, a sincere apology, Afghanistan X2 relieved of duty

Welcome to episode 100 of the Modern Moron!  We do have a special guest for this landmark episode depending on how you define the word special.  Our guest is special to me as I’ve known this guy as my bff since junior year in high school.  We were both undersized, red-headed umm what?  Misfits?   Class clowns?  Maybe.  Outcasts?  No, he certainly wasn’t an outcast.  In fact he was smart enough to surround himself with two of the biggest guys in our class.  Neither of us were academics but he always had an angle and the angle was usually directed toward financial gain.  My dad loved that about him and when he would come over he would tell my dad that he was the son he never had.  My dad thought that was hilarious.   I even had the honor of being best man at his wedding. My guest, is referred to in this episode as Templeton, he gets that name from E.B. White’s classic “Charlotte’s Webb’s” Templeton the rat.  Not because he likes to eat but because Templeton was always looking for that same angle of opportunity… He is also good friends with the Senator.  Both of them have something in common as it pertains to the title of this episode and the 6th track of the Beatles Sgt. Pepper Album She’s Leaving Home.  Both  of them are taking their daughters away to college… one for the first time ever and the other for their Senior year, but it’s after spending 14 to 17 months at home through the pandemic.  Not easy for either of them, but I think in particular for our friend Templeton.  You see Templeton is not a particularly emotional or animated person, doesn’t like to talk about feelings or emotions, you know, a typical male.  But he is very close to his daughter.  I don’t know all of the things they do or have in common but they do share a love of baseball.  They go to ball games together, they talk baseball.  She roots for the San Francisco Giants and he roots for the Oakland A’s, but it’s a real bonding thing and I know this is really hard for him as well as it is for the Senator taking his daughter to the East Coast for her Senior hear of College. My guest also has a love of practical jokes, which I do not share.  I hate practical jokes, but in this case we pull a very short joke on the senator at the beginning of this episode and here is the setup:  I use a service called Zencastr to record this podcast.  Part of the process is that each participant has to sign in and everyone’s name is on the computer screen.  I had Templeton sign in with a phony name like “Audio Compression Engineer” or something like that, so if he saw it he wouldn’t know who it was.  As it turned out he didn’t look at the screen anyway, but Templeton decided to play with the Senator’s head and chimed in as if he was Engineering our recording session as a third party.  Also, it didn’t hurt that the Senator had already had his nightly cocktail. Toward the end of the episode we talk about hiking as our guest had

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