The answer to this episode title has morphed over the years from: they couldn't imagine anyone would want to listen to what they have to say, to: "imposter syndrome," to: groups are dynamic, to: the pressure from expectations for answers sounds sucky. Is that run-on sentence confusing? Listen to the episode, and you'll understand why you can be a student and a teachers. Listen all the way to the end, and you can hear Sheri's idea for Matt's billboard advertising campaign.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep176 – Why Sheri and Matt Are Not Psychologists or Therapists

Eight loving, empathetic, hard-working alcoholism survivors sitting around a big microphone - it's a roundtable episode recorded during our winter Marriagevolution Couples Retreat in the mountains of Colorado. Two couples are nearing the end of their first year of sobriety, the third couple has over three years, and Sheri and Matt are starting their seventh year. So there is a variety of experiences, opinions and emotions on full display. Clear communication and respect - respect for each other and respect for all of the possibilities - are two takeaways on which all eight participants agree. This episode is honest, emotional, and as loving as sound waves digitally stored on the internet can be.

If you and your partner are working to restore your relationship in sobriety, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Marriagevolution program.

Ep175 – Couples Roundtable: The Threat of Relapse

There is no arguing the fact that without alcohol, Sheri and Matt would never have met. It is also an undisputed reality that some of the best times the couple ever experienced were enhanced by alcohol. Now that Sheri and Matt openly despise alcohol for all of the damage it brought to their family, a reconciliation is in order. Before they discuss reconciling the joy and destruction of alcohol, Sheri and Matt answer a listener question about finding confidence and reconnection in sobriety, while the potential for relapse looms.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep174 – Reconciling the Joys of Alcohol

Blame the alcohol, or the alcoholism, but don't blame the person. We say it all the time. But what if the blame isn't just something that occurs once the addiction is firmly in place? What if blame and criticism and attempts to change our partners is one of the underlying causes of addiction? Sheri and Matt discuss the impact of years of mutual criticism and attempts to change each other. And as you'll hear on this episode, they are much happier now just laughing at each other.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep173 – Blame Won’t Fix It

So you made it through the holidays...well, definitely don't let your guard down yet. January is really hard in early sobriety, and it is hard for the loved ones trying to avoid emotional relapses. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the emotional drivers from the holidays that impact our self-esteem, and they give tips about what to do to have a mentally healthy start to the year.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep172 – Here Comes the Hard Part

On this one-of-a-kind episode, Sheri and Matt have compiled the answers to this simple prompt from 17 participants in the SHOUT Sobriety and Echoes of Recovery groups: What does community mean to you? There are a lot of resonating sentiments and powerful statements in the words of the people who understand the transformational impact of community. To move past the Sheri and Matt introduction to the clips from our people, skip to the 19 minute mark.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

If you are a high functioning alcoholic seeking to add community to your recovery, please check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

Ep171 – Community SHOUT-Outs

Sheri and Matt knew they would hand down important lessons about faith and work ethic and loyalty and love of family to their kids. What they didn't initially know was that they would also hand down troubling mannerisms, emotions and disruptions to the nervous system that would haunt their children. And the really complex part is that now that they know, there are still things Sheri and Matt struggle to stop reinforcing. I guess they learned their generationally traumatic lessons well. Breaking the cycle is hard.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener's question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep170 – Generational Trauma: Breaking the Cycle

Childhood experiences, including exposure to alcoholism, along with the gaslighting and denials from being married to an alcoholic, have left Sheri facing real challenges battling feelings of unworthiness. Anyone who thinks the loved one of an alcoholic should just, "Get over it," really needs to listen to this honest and painful conversation.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener's question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep169 – Unworthy

The only thing Matt knew about a connection between orgasms and addiction when he was in active alcoholism was that he sure liked to have sex when he was drinking. But now he has done the research, and Sheri and Matt connect the dots explaining the reason for the orgasm gap between men and women, and how challenges with sexual pleasure and satisfaction are both an underlying cause of, and also a result from, alcoholism. Not only do they identify this problem that starts in K-12 public school education, but they also invite Kathy back to the podcast to discuss the steps we can take to influence public policy in a way that helps narrow the orgasm gap resulting in a positive impact on addiction prevention and recovery. Whoa, that is a lot of deep and taboo ground to cover in an hour. And Matt only blushes a little when he talks about the clitoris.

To read the associated blog post on Sober and Unashamed, and for the details about the research studies Matt references on this episode, please click here.

Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener's question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? If so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

Ep168 – The Orgasm Gap and Addiction: Connecting the Dots

A manicured lawn, beautiful social media photos, and a well-kept house are often signs that something sinister lurks hiding behind the perfection. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Karen and Adam to the conversation because of their experiences with no longer pretending. They discuss the incredible relief found in moving past the stoic wall, refusing to portray everything as "fine," and finding a communities - both small and large - where we can be 100% authentic. What goes up, must come down. But the things we push down, eventually, must come up and out, too.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep167 – No Longer Pretending with Karen and Adam

Do you find satisfaction in an accomplishment, or does an achievement just drive you to keep pushing forward? If you, like Matt, relate to the latter, watch out! You just might be on a path toward addiction. On this episode, Sheri and Matt take a listener's question, and explain how motivation contributed to Matt's high-functioning alcoholism. Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep166 – When Motivation Morphs into Addiction

Hannah has been through a lot, and now she is recovering from her traumatic and abusive experience with the alcoholism of her husband. Sheri and Matt are honored to call her a dear friend, and they feel her pain and celebrate her growth on this very difficult episode. Hannah's story is a cautionary tale of the progressive nature of alcoholism, and how bad it can get. Listen to how her love for her children was the ultimate factor in her finding the freedom they all deserve.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep165 – The Lingering Voices of Trauma and Abuse with Hannah

At the heart of all relationship struggles we will find communication challenges. On this episode, Sheri and Matt recall all the communication mistakes they have made with their kids. Some of it was a direct result of alcoholism. Some mistakes were made naively as they navigated uncharted territory. Some mistakes continue (especially from Matt) even though they now know better. One thing is for sure - not communicating with kids who have experienced alcoholism is not a healthy option.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep164 – Communication Mistakes with Our Kids and Why We Keep Trying

Sheri and Matt have had some awful alcoholic Halloween experiences. Last year, they recapped the trauma on Ep111. This year, the couple is talking about the joy and laughter they are experiencing on their sixth consecutive sober Halloween month (yes, Matt celebrates Halloween for a whole month). Do you think sobriety is boring? Well, after you listen to this, you might not change your mind. But you'll definitely think twice about taking advice from these two chuckling sobriety peddlers with their questionable movie choices and bad parenting decisions. Keep listening, at your own risk, for some tips on navigating the other looming holidays free from the terror of alcohol.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep163 – Scaring Up some Holiday Peace and Joy

We humans are hard on ourselves. In fact, it is widely believed that no one will ever be as hard on us as we are on ourselves. Sheri and Matt have experience with that point of view, and on this episode, they share why your perceived self-weakness might just be bravery leading to hope. Cut yourself some slack and listen to their perspective. Also, listen to Matt give Sheri makeup tips.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep162 – Get Off Your Back

Pain is thought of as an almost exclusively negative emotion and experience. But does pain serve a purpose? Is pain necessary for forward motion in certain scenarios? And is recovery from alcoholism one such scenario? Sheri and Matt sure think so. Their understanding of pain is not just about progress. On this episode, the couple shares their understanding of pain that can help release shame in the times when we get stuck. They also both have real-time epiphanies of about how pain influences our actions.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep161 – The Value of Pain

What comes first, safety or connection? Can two married people be in two different relationships when it comes to trust and implied consent? Is there guilt inherent in detachment, and rejection inherent in sex without emotional intimacy? Sheri and Matt are joined by Julia and Liz to tackle these incredibly heavy topics. There is not a psychologist among them, but yet, as lived-experience experts, they uncover a lot of therapeutic truth. And Liz solves it all with an analogy to Chutes and Ladders.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep160 – Safety, Connection and Implied Consent with Julia and Liz

Can forgiveness be achieved without an apology ever being offered? Likewise, can we find comfort in feeling remorse without ever being forgiven? On this special roundtable episode, Sheri and Matt are joined by four lived-experience experts to discuss the power of forgiveness. We are confident you will learn something new, or reconsider what you thought to be true, after listening to this conversation between Dawn, Karen, Mike and Lori. These are some distinctly different personalities and perspectives who have done some serious forgiveness work.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep159 – Forgiveness Roundtable

In order for a relationship to survive alcoholism, both partners, the former drinker, and the spouse, need to do an amazing amout of work in recovery. It is not about sobriety, although that is a prerequisite. It is about individual healing and growth. Those two strong people can then come back together to make their relationship thrive. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the different ways one partner or the other can prevent relationship recovery - because they can't or won't find healing themselves.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ep158 – It Takes Two to Tango

Sheri and Matt welcome The Addiction Nutritionist, Kelly Miller, back to the podcast to learn more from this amazing nutrition therapist and recovery coach, and to apply her nutrition lessons to the recovery of the loved ones of people battling addiction. Do you want to feel better, reduce anxiety and regulate your haywire nervous system? If so, this episode is for you. It is full of practical nutrition tips, busted myths, and lots of counterintuitive knowledge about recovery. Kelly lights up the microphone as she shares her passion for feeling better and living better.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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Untoxicated Podcast

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