 




A couple of years ago I was watching a session of the Alliance for Self-Directed Education's online conference by unschooling advocate Idzie Desmerais. At some point she dropped a quote into her presentation that I jotted down but didn't think much of at the time:



 




What if your ideas about politics were just your ideas about childhood, extrapolated?



 




I returned to my notes some months later, having spent much of that time immersed in writing the first draft of the book, the quote almost took my breath away. There, right in front of me, was a single sentence that encapsulated so much of what I'd been thinking and writing about.



 




On the surface, it may seem as though these topics are completely unrelated but they are actually intimately connected.



 




We use politics set up systems that support the culture we want to live in.



 




We create systems that make it harder to vote because we don't think everyone should be able to vote - especially if you aren't White, male, or at least middle...

198: The connection between your ideas about childhood and politics with Dr. Toby Rollo

 






This is the first in a series of 'back to basics' episodes here on the show, where we'll look at the everyday challenges you're facing as a parent. (Have an idea for an episode? Share it on this thread in our free Facebook group [insert link], send us a max 2 minute video of you saying your question, or click here to record an audio message for me...)




 






I'd wanted to do an episode on the use of reward & punishment systems in classrooms for a while, and when I mentioned this to my community manager Denise, she immediately started telling me all about the systems in her children's classrooms. So Denise sent me her questions, and we chatted through the research-based answers in this episode.




 






To make it easier for you to start a conversation at your school about rewards and punishment systems, I've created a one page 'cheat sheet' for you to share with others. Just click the image below to download it!




 

197: What to do about reward and punishment systems at school with Denise Suarez

 




Do you worry about the state of the Earth? Climate change perhaps above all else, but also resource extraction, air pollution, and the injustice that goes along with the ways the impacts of these things are distributed?




 




You're not the only one.



 





I know not everyone goes this far, but one of the reasons I waited so long to have a baby, almost didn't have a baby, and will only have one child is to reduce my impact on climate change.




 




We all know we're supposed to fly less, drive less, and eat less meat. But how can those actions ever be enough, when (I read somewhere a long time ago) that there aren't enough resources on the planet for everyone to consume the resources that an unhoused person in the United States uses?



 




In her new book Parenting on Earth: A Philosopher's Guide to Doing Right by Your Kids - and Everyone Else's (affiliate link), Dr. Elizabeth Cripps walks us through the moral arguments involved in taking action on these issues - as well as the ones we use to justify not taking action.




 

196: Parenting on Earth with Elizabeth Cripps

 




Hunter Clarke-Fields is back with us again! She's the author of Raising Good Humans, and now the new book Raising Good Humans Every Day (affiliate links).




 




Why does the world need two books with such similar titles? Are they even different?!




 




Yes, they are! Raising Good Humans Every Day is small! And short! And the chapters are short! Each one contains just one practice, described in a few pages.




 




If you've got five minutes you can read a chapter and then put the idea into practice immediately.




 




Use it, see some success, and get inspired for the next one.




 




Short, simple, and sweet. Can't beat that!

195: Raising Good Humans Every Day with Hunter Clarke-Fields

 



Do you ever feel triggered by your partner's behavior?




 




(No? Just me? 😬)




 




Many parents who join the Taming Your Triggers workshop sign up for help navigating their children's behavior...and then once they're inside they confess that their partner's behavior is even more triggering than their child's.




 




As you might imagine, many of the participants in the Taming Your Triggers workshop are women. (Classic patriarchy at work: caregiving is women's work, and so is managing the emotional climate of the family, so why does a male partner in a cisgender, heterosexual relationship need to bother?)




 




So I've been especially glad to see that more and more men are taking the workshop - and last time around we also had several couples participating together.




 




Elizabeth and Marshall are physical therapists who travel and work to pay off their student loan debt. They had a three-year-old, and then became unexpectedly pregnant...

194: Regulating for the kids…and for your marriage

 



In this short episode, I'm going to teach you a real, legit, bona fide magic trick.




 




And unlike most magic tricks which rely on sleight of hand to convince you of something that has happened when it really hasn't, this one actually works. It helps you to see that things are not as bad as they seem, and that you can cope, even when things feel incredibly difficult and that you're failing as a parent.




 




I asked four listeners to help me explain the concept to you, and how it has helped them, and one even went above and beyond and did a live demo for us!




 




Then I walk you through it step by step, so you can use it when you need it later.





 






 

193: You don’t have to believe everything you think

 


Polyvagal Theory is everywhere these days.


 


Psychologists talk about it; parenting coaches talk about it; if you’re in
the mental health field you’re probably referring to polyvagal theory in some way. So one would assume that there’s lots of evidence for it, right?  Well, maybe. Maybe not.



 


In this episode I dig into the foundational principles of Polyvagal Theory and find that there's a lot less evidence supporting it than you might think, given how many places it's used.



 


So what's going on? Is it legit? Should we be using a different theory to understand our experience instead?



 


But all may not be lost! Maybe there are aspects of the theory that we can still use...the episode suggests a path forward on this.












 





 


Taming Your Triggers


 

192: What to do with the myth of Polyvagal Theory

Parenting Beyond Power is officially available today! Come join a mini-celebration with me in this podcast episode, and TODAY on Zoom at 11am Pacific/2pm Eastern/8pm Central Europe, and in-person this weekend if you're in the Bay Area!

 


Do you celebrate your achievements? I don't know about you, but I find it pretty difficult.



 


I didn't celebrate getting into Berkeley or Yale, or graduating from either of those places either (in fact, I think I was in the car driving away from each of those places when the graduation ceremonies happened).



 


I didn't celebrate getting U.S. citizenship, or have a baby shower, and Alvin and Carys buy or make me a birthday cake every year because they want to, but I don't really celebrate that either.



 


I didn't celebrate signing a book deal two years ago, and when we rolled over 3 million downloads recently I asked someone on my team to make a quick social post...and that was it.



 


So celebrating the book's launch feels...weird to me. But apparently people who write books do it, so I'm giving it a try - Jen style.



 


I invited a listener, María José (MJ) Durán, to ask me whatever questions she had about the book and the writing process for a mini-celebration.



 


(I did slip in a couple of questions for her as well,

191: Parenting Beyond Power launch celebration

One of the questions I'm asked most often about Parenting Beyond Power (preorder bonuses are available for just a few more days!) is:









So when a group of listeners volunteered to get together to discuss what they got out of the book, that was the first thing I wanted to ask them.











 



The core premise of the book is that the social forces of White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism have really hurt us - they're the biggest reason why we feel so much pain and shame. And we will pass on those hurts to our own children unless we do something different - and most of the book is about what we actually do differently to make parenting easier today, and work toward creating a world where everyone belongs.



 


Eliza began:





Kat added:





Elizabeth concluded:

190: How to use the tools in Parenting Beyond Power

Do you try to give your children messages about gender that are aligned with your values? Do you tell your daughter that she can do anything she wants to do, and look for shows that have equal representation of male- and female-presenting characters?



 


If so, you're off to a good start.


 


And...there's so much more to do.


 


One of the core ideas in my book, Parenting Beyond Power, is that we parents pass cultural messages on to our children. We do that through the books we read, the actions we praise, and the conversations we have (or don't have).


 

I don't censor the books I'm reading to Carys - we just talk about them. Right now we're reading Wild Born, Book 1 of the Spirit Animals collection. (I did check to make sure that the concept of 'spirit animals' isn't disrespectful to Indigenous people...it turns out it's a concept that White people made up, and it's only disrespectful if we try to link it to Indigenous practices.)




 


Here's an excerpt from the beginning of Chapter 3:


 


"Meilin sat on a cushion before her looking glass, meticulously applying facial paint. She didn't mind letting her handmaidens prepare her for festivals or banquets. But today was important. Today she wanted to look just right. And when you wanted something done right, you did it yourself.


 


After finishing the accents around her eyes, Meilin inspected her handiwork. It was a work of art atop a work of art. People always remarked that she was stunning. She had never needed paint on her face to earn compliments. But now she possessed an allure beyond her natural beauty."


 

It goes on to describe the strategic imperfection in her hair that made it "more appealing," and then she practices the looks she will display during her ceremony.




 


There's a lot going on here... It starts with the White supremacy-based idea that if you want something done right you can never rely on others but only do it yourself. (This book seems to be primarily about relationships, so I assume it's marketed to girls. And we wonder where women and mothers get the idea that they have to do it all themselves if we want it done right?) The book opened with a male character who obviously cared a lot about his...

189: Childhood Unlimited with Virginia Mendez

 


In this episode we hear from listener Lindsay who wonders whether it's safe to delay math learning, since (they've heard) there's a 'critical window' for learning language.


 


Would delaying math learning mean that our child can't catch up later? Will they develop a negative view of their own learning? What if they can't get into college? We address all of these questions and more.




 





 

 


Parenting Beyond Power




The wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore.

Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey.

Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today:





 

 









 

 

The Learning Membership

 

Discover an empowering learning approach for your child. The Learning Membership supports you in nurturing their love for learning–whether you homeschool or send them to school! 

 

In our supportive community, we cherish their unique learning style, fostering curiosity, creativity, and critical thinking. Enrollment will reopen soon.


 

Watch your child soar to new heights of knowledge and lifelong learning! Click the banner to learn more!


 



 

If you want to get a taste for what it's like to be in the Learning Membership, sign up for the FREE 90 minute You Are Your Child's Best Teacher masterclass. Click the banner to learn more!

 



 

Jump to Highlights
01:10 Listener Lindsay asks the question, “How safe is it to neglect math education until your child shows some kind of interest in wanting to do it?”

01:48 Jen gives her...

Q&A 4: Is it safe to delay math learning?

When you listen to this episode you may get a bit of a sense of deja vu - way back in 2020, listener Kelly reached out to me and asked if I would be willing to do an episode on parental burnout, which she was struggling to navigate at the time. We ended up interviewing Dr. Moira Mikolajczak, one of the world's experts on parental burnout.

 

After the conversation Dr. Mikolajczak expressed to me how much her heart went out to Kelly, who was navigating what seemed like an individual-level problem when it was actually very much our society's failure to support her that created the problem. Having explored the connection between race and parenting in a series of episodes the previous year, ideas were definitely percolating for me about how societal issues show up in our families which is, of course, a massive theme in my book (which will be published on September 5!).

 

So it was so amazing to see Kelly recently in a much better place, reflecting on the connections between her school-based learning and her burnout, and how she's taking steps to help her child learn lessons she thinks are truly important, like how to:

 

 	Think critically about messages she receives from other people;
 	See multiple people's needs in an interaction, and find ways to meet both of their needs;
 	Learn about the world immediately around her (which often involves Kelly backing off and not doing anything, rather than stepping in to teach a lesson).

 

Kelly's children are certainly learning profound lessons in this process - but so is Kelly. I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone so delighted to say that she's thrown out a puzzle book that still had three un-done puzzles in that she didn't want to do, having (finally) learned that it's OK not to finish every single thing you start. Because not being able to do that can lead to burnout.


 

 





Parenting Beyond Power




The wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore.

Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey.

Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today:





 



 

 

The Learning Membership

 

Discover an empowering learning approach for your child. The Learning Membership supports you in nurturing their love for learning–whether you homeschool or send them to school! 

 

In our supportive community, we cherish their unique learning style, fostering curiosity, creativity, and critical thinking. Enrollment will reopen soon.


 

Watch your child soar to new heights of knowledge and lifelong learning! Click the banner to learn more!


 

188: How to learn way beyond ‘doing well in school’

 

Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere are in the middle of summer now, with the whirlwind of cobbled together childcare and kids at home saying: "I'm booored!".

 

What's happening for them when they're saying this?

 

And, more importantly, what should we DO about it?

 

We don't want to have to entertain them, but what other option is there besides threatening chores?

 

This episode will help you to answer their question during the summer months in a way that supports their wellbeing, and also address boredom that crops up at other points in the school year. Like when they're in school.

 

Because while I approached this episode from the perspective of navigating summer holidays, it turns out that most researchers can't include the word "child" and "bored" in a study without also including the word "school."

 

 





Parenting Beyond Power




The wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore.

Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey.

Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today:





 



 

 

The Learning Membership

 

If your child is often complaining of boredom and losing their love for learning, I invite you to join the Learning Membership. This membership is designed to support your child's intrinsic love of learning, whether they are in school or not. 

We’ll cover topics such as understanding how children learn, exploring their interests, finding inspiration in nature, effective learning strategies, recording their learning journey, and building critical thinking skills. 

The membership caters to homeschooling families who use the acquired knowledge as the foundation of their children's education, as well as families who choose traditional schooling but feel that their child's love of learning needs additional support beyond the classroom. Click the banner to learn more!

 

 



 

 

You Are Your Child’s Best Teacher Masterclasss

 

Want to have a taste of what it's like to be in the Learning Membership? Sign up for the FREE You Are Your Child's Best Teacher. Unlock your full potential as a parent-educator. Ignite your child's love for learning, explore their interests, and create an empowering educational experience. Whether you are homeschooling or sending your kids to traditional schools, remember you are your child’s best teacher!  Click the banner to learn more.

 

 



 

 

The Confident Homeschooler Course

 

Considering homeschooling? Discover...

187: What to do when my child says: “I’m booored!”?

Listener Kelsey posted in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook community a while ago asking how she should respond when her child asks: "Why does Daddy have to go to work?" She got some great answers from community members...and yet there was also a lot more to explore. I asked her to record her question so I could answer it in an episode, so here it is!




 







Of course, the issue of Daddy going to work has intersections with patriarchy as well...and many Your Parenting Mojo listeners of both/all genders work and probably hear this question from their children, so I adjusted the title of the episode a little.




 







The episode looks at capitalism and how it impacts our families and other peoples' families...and how we can start to have conversations about that with our children.




 







If you'd like to ask a question for me to answer in a future Q&A episode, please email a link to a video of you asking the question to support@yourparentingmojo.com, or go to yourparentingmojo.com/question and look for the Record A Question button.




 

 

Jump to Highlights


00:58 Listener Kelsey asks how to honestly but age-appropriately answer the question, "Why does daddy

Q&A #3: Why do you have to go to work?

We talk a lot about meeting needs on the show. And mostly we focus on meeting your child's needs, because when those are met then your needs for peace and ease and collaboration with your child get met as well.



 





But of course those are not your only needs. You also have needs independent of your relationship with your children, and you deserve to have these met. Mara Glatzel's new book focuses squarely on your needs. Why is it so hard to understand what our needs are? How can we figure out what our needs are...before they explode out of us in a meltdown? And how can we get these met on a regular basis?



 





This episode will show you how to do that.



 
















Jump to highlights:

 

01:20 Introduction of the guest - Mara Glatzel

02:20  Mara shares the story at the beginning of her book where she tells her personal reflection when she felt learned the importance of asserting one's needs and the impact it has had on her  life and relationship

06:13 Mara differentiates needs from wants

09:47 The societal pressure to maintain a perfect and productive facade may just lead to burnout and a denial of our own humanity

13:31 It is important to recognize and identify  physical sensations, symptoms, and circumstances associated with burnout to prevent and reverse it

20:20 Setting boundaries with children allows parents to prioritize their own needs so they meet their children’s needs as well

24:49 Consistently pushing ourselves beyond our limits and striving for perfection sets us up for burnout

186: How to meet your needs with Mara Glatzel

A lot of parents (and teachers) are concerned right now about children's resilience. Will they 'bounce back' from the difficulties of the pandemic?
 
But is 'bouncing back' really the way we should be thinking about this? We have all been changed by the pandemic; shouldn't we acknowledge this and see how we can be the best versions of ourselves, incorporating what we've been through over the last few years, rather than trying to 'bounce back' into what we were before (which frankly wasn't all that amazing in a lot of cases, as we rushed from one thing to another with never any time for ourselves).
 
In this episode we also consider Black and Indigenous researchers' perspectives on resilience, and see how their ideas can perhaps shift how we perceive resilience - and thus how we support our children.



 

 

Other episodes referenced

 

069: Reducing the impact of intergenerational trauma

069: Reducing the impact of intergenerational trauma

 

140: Mythbusting about fat and BMI with Dr. Lindo Bacon

140: Mythbusting about fat and BMI with Dr. Lindo Bacon

 

137: Psychological flexibility through ACT with Diana Hill

137: Psychological flexibility through ACT with Diana Hill

 

148: Is spanking a child really so bad?

148: Is spanking a child really so bad?

 

098: Do school shooter trainings help (or hurt) children?

098: Do school shooter trainings help (or hurt) children?

 

114: How to stop 'othering' and instead build 'belonging'

114: How to stop 'othering' and instead build 'belonging'

 

074: Attachment: What it is, what it's not, how to do it, and how to stop stressing about it

074: Attachment: What it is, what it's not, how to do it, and how to stop stressing about it

 

106: Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting

106: Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting 


 

 

 

Jump to highlights:

01:10  Introduction

01:34  Defining resilience from various perspectives

03:16  Resilience requires exposure to some kind of threat or severe adversity

06:37  What a lack of resilience looks like and how to measure its absence

08:16  Measuring resilience in research

09:08  The challenge of defining ‘protective’ factor

10:00  The history of research on resilience

12:03  The importance allowing children to cope with mild...

185: How can we raise resilient children?

Do you sometimes wish your co-parent would join you on the respectful parenting journey you’re on?

 

Would things be easier if you were on the same page?

 

Does it seem like you try to convince them using all the research you’ve done respectful parenting…only to have them throw up the “I don’t think we have to make a big deal out of this” card?

 

Sarah and Declan had this dynamic in their relationship too.

 

Knowing each other well isn’t always enough

They met when they were 10 and have been together for 15 years, so they know each other pretty well.  They had even talked about their values before they got married, and found alignment on many of them.

 

But Declan is a psychologist working with children and families, so he got the Big Veto.  (It turns out that psychology training focuses on evidence-based strategies to change behavior…which isn’t that hard to do with rewards and punishments.  I think a lot of psychologists show up in my programs because they realize that “evidence-based” doesn’t necessarily mean “good for us” or “aligned with my values”).

 

Sarah was struggling with the transition from two to three children, along with Declan’s full-time work, her own part-time work, and a major home renovation - they haven’t had a functional kitchen in two years.

 

Sarah knew she needed more support…but Declan wasn’t sure.  Until he realized that when you’re on a team, you don’t tell an injured player to suck it up.  You can’t tell the parent who is struggling to figure it out by themselves.  We all have a role to play in a family that meets everyone’s needs.

 

A way to repair ruptures that meets both of their needs

This was most apparent when Sarah would say something critical, causing a temporary rupture…and then would desperately try to repair, wanting to talk it out then and there so she could reestablish connection with him, in a reenactment of her anxious attachment relationship with her mother.

 

Declan didn’t find that connecting at all…he saw that she was trying to make herself feel better, not to reconnect with him, and he would retreat - the exact opposite of what she was looking for from him.

 

On a group coaching call a few months ago we worked through an example of this dynamic - and found a way to help them reestablish connection that worked for both of them that has made a profound difference in their ability to navigate conflict.  They discuss how it has worked for them in this new episode.

 

 





Parenting Beyond Power




The wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore.

Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey.

Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today:





 



 

 

Get notified when the Parenting Membership reopens in May 2024...

184: How to get on the same page as your co-parent

Recently, a number of parents in the Parenting Membership have posted in our community about challenges they've faced that they've navigated with grace that would have seemed insurmountable a couple of years ago.

 

Many of these are parents of children who are already through the toddler stage, and the parents are starting to see the tools they've been using come alive in their interactions with their children.

 

I thought: There's a podcast episode in that!

 

I asked parents to submit short videos to me responding to the question: What do you wish you had known about parenting when your children were young?

 

The resulting videos are collected, along with my commentary, in this week's episode.

 

The insights that these parents offer are profound. I don't want to give too much away, but let's just say that you're not going to hear advice about a must-have crib or wipe warmer or toy.

 

This is advice about:

 	How we see ourselves
 	What is our role as parents to guide our children without shaping them
 	How we can be whole, fulfilled people ourselves when there's so much pressure on us to be a 'good parent'

 

If you want to hear from parents who share your values and who have been in it for a while to know what's worth worrying about and what isn't, this episode is for you.

 

 





Parenting Beyond Power




The wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore.

Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey.

Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today:





 



 

 

Get notified when the Parenting Membership reopens in 2024

This isn't a course that you take once and forget, and things go back to the way they always were.

 

Whenever you get off-track, or when a new challenge pops up, we're here to support and guide you for as long as you're a member.

 

The membership information page has all the details on what you’ll get when you join - monthly modules of content, the not-on-Facebook community, monthly group coaching calls, weekly ACTion groups with five other members and a peer coach, occasional 1:1 coaching sessions with Jen. 

 

Click the image below to learn more about the Parenting Membership.  

 



 

Other episodes referenced in this episode:

079: What is RIE?

079: What is RIE? | Your Parenting Mojo

 

084: The Science of RIE

084: The Science of RIE | Your Parenting Mojo

 

085: White privilege in schools

085: White privilege in schools | Your Parenting Mojo

 

SYPM 010: From...

183: What I wish I’d known about parenting

All of our children go through phases when they do things we wish they wouldn’t do. 

 

Sometimes those things are relatively harmless but are pretty annoying, because they take extra time for us to clean up - things like eating (and making crumbs) in areas where we don’t want them to eat, shaving up a bar of soap, or piling up all the toys and refusing to help clean them up. 

 

Other times it’s not so harmless.  

 

They might hit us.

 

Or hit a (smaller) sibling, for what seems like no reason.

 

We want to get that behavior to stop…but how?

 

In this episode we’ll meet a parent who’s struggling with the annoying behaviors…and we’ll hear directly from two parents who have found ways to navigate resistance and hitting, and these are no longer the problem they once were.

 

There is hope.  

 

We don’t have to keep walking on eggshells waiting for the next explosion, or worried about what our child is doing as soon as our back is turned.

 

Jump to highlights:

(00:50)  Introduction for today’s episode

(01:33)  A member of Jen's community is seeking advice on how to manage her child’s frustrating behavior

(04:23)  How Jen resolved her issues with her husband's frustrating behavior during the COVID lockdown

(06:16)  The importance of understanding children's behavior and finding ways to meet their needs in a way that works for both the child and the parent

(07:36)  One of the reasons why children engage in activities that they know are forbidden: Lack of Impulse control

(09:20)  The importance of recognizing that our children are still learning how to regulate their emotions and impulses

(11:17)  How setting fewer limits can create a more positive and respectful relationship between parent and child 

(12:46)  Parent Peju shares how she sets limits on her child

(14:46)  Understanding the underlying issues of a child's behavior is critical for effective parenting

(15:54)  The importance of recognizing the need for autonomy in children 

(17:50)  Parent Fiona shares her struggles and how the community and the membership helped her resolve her problems

(26:44)  Parent Fiona’s non-cognitive shift as a result of seeing the issue from her son's perspective

(28:19)  Parent Stephanie, expresses how her connection with the ACTion group has been incredibly fulfilling for her. 

(30:01)  The importance of curiosity when we feel triggered 

(33:39)  The second reason why children engage in activities that they know are forbidden: They're doing it deliberately to get our...

182: How to get frustrating behavior to stop

‘Giving choices’ is a hot tool in the respectful parenting world.  In the scripts, it usually goes like this:

 

     Child: “I want a snack!”

     Parent: “OK!  Would you like an apple or a banana?”

     Child: “A banana, please!”

     And the parent hands over the banana.

 

But when you actually try it in your own home, it usually looks more like this:

 

     Your child: “I want a snack!”

     You: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”

     Your child: “I want cookies!”

 

WHY IS THAT?!  Why does it never ‘work’ the way it’s supposed to?  Why doesn’t our child follow the script?

 

There’s a simple and easy reason, and in this episode I break it down - and teach you the effective tool to use instead of giving choices.

 

Jump to highlights:

(00:54) Many parenting coaches recommend giving children choices as a way to get them to

cooperate. 

(02:43) The effectiveness of using choices to our children

(05:47) Reasons why giving choices makes us lose the possibility of meeting both of our needs

(08:01) How using choices motivates children to do the things they wouldn’t want to do

(09:00) Why choices teach children consequences

(09:40) Benefits of using true empathy

(10:26) Giving choices to negotiate how children will do a chore/task

(11:55) The use of rewards to motivate children fails to consider both the child’s and parent’s needs, leading to resentment and missed opportunity for making real choices

(13:28) Giving choices as a win-win situation

(14:05) The choices parents give often do not meet the child’s needs

(17:08) Distinguishing between needs and strategies

(19:01) The importance of meeting both our and our children’s needs

(20:34) Ben shares his struggles before joining the Setting Limits workshop

(22:55) Ben shares how effective the tools he learned in the Setting Limits workshop

(26:29) Deon shares her experience after joining the Setting Limits workshop

(27:01)  An open invitation to join the Setting Loving (&Effective!) Limits workshop

 

 

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